Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Ramblings from a stressed mind

So we’re trying finalize plans for our trip to Italy and oh boy! The stress and anxiety are setting in.
We’re also dealing with the disappointment of our last contact and her unwillingness to provide proof of pregnancy to us or our agency.  This was a devastating blow to us.  Not that some things didn’t seem to add up but that things seemed to be going in the right direction and then Bam! A wall x3 and consequently a severed line.
That’s the truth with Adoption.  It’s a never ending stream of doubt, hope, faith, and disappointment. No matter how you come to adoption on any side of the triad it’s got you in a knot at some point.
We had a contact that was feeling out her options and we knew going in it was a likely no go.  We watched, added our 2 cents as warranted and she had her child on the 5th.  I feel privileged to share that with her because of her honesty.  We’ve had other contacts that weren’t up front an honest and I’m not sure I’d be as gracias as I am with the one who was if I was lied to.  As a measure a lie is not being true to one’s self or others. I’m thrilled that that contact figured out she wanted to parent without dragging anyone into a drama and tear filled issue at the hospital. Not that that’s unheard of even with the most devoted of their Adoption plans just that we were lucky to not get that far for disappointment.
Does that mean we aren’t sympathetic the answer is no. We understand our risks and as always a woman who decides to parent is amazing in many ways. Not only did she think of extending  life with an adoption plan but she tried her darnedest to follow through but couldn’t; however that plays out (Family/Friends step up or the father steps up, etc).
 So I hope to lose my adoption self in our trip to Italy with friends from the other coast.  I am anxious I won’t get the grammar correct or I don’t negotiate enough but just the ability to go and lose myself in our friends and my husband and myself is key on this journey.
I continue to hope each and every day that we will find a match but I can no longer put our lives on hold while we wait.

Many blessings to us all in the wait!

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