Giant Silent Void or 28 months and counting

I realized recently that I haven’t really talked adoption in quite awhile in my blog posts except in short blurbs.

Well, honestly there is nothing to report.  We’ve had a few contacts that were scams and were presented with a couple different situations that were way out of our range but otherwise it’s a GIANT.SILENT.VOID.   

I’m so glad to have the friends I’ve made in the adoption community though to share the wait and the ups and downs of it all. Today’s topic seemed to be the Last Minute Hospital List and someone mentioned only 8 more months until they’re eligible for the National list and I said yep, us too, especially since we aren’t eligible for the agencies local list since we live 2 states away.  She responded with I hope you never see that list and I needed that.  I hope neither of us sees that list but it’s good to know it’s there.

So with not much going on I’ve taken the time to refresh this blog with easier to navigate pages and have updated the color scheme. I’ve also starting making a private adoption website as just another way to spread the word it’s been 28 months and counting and we are SO ready to be chosen.

The website is nice because I can keep it pretty streamlined unlike Facebook, Twitter, or many of our other sites where you have to dig through tons of info.  I like that if all you want to see are pictures I can have nothing but tons of pictures to look at or if you want bullet points on some of our favorite things it’s there. It’s definitely a work in progress but if you would like to have a look you can find it HERE. 

On another note we'll be going to a Super Bowl party at our friend's place and I can't wait.  Really hoping for a Denver win but we'll see how it goes, Carolina was a tough team this year.

After that it's home where I have to prep for Jury Duty for the next few weeks. Really not looking forward to that at all.

The Kindness of Strangers and More.

My last post was a pretty emotional one but what happened the next morning would have me in tears, literally. I promise this is a happy post of what’s happened the last two weeks.

• Our basement remodel is pretty much done with just a few minor things left to do.
• Don is in Ghana building a kindergarten playground for the new school the charity recently built.
• We bought new furniture, Goodbye hand me downs.
• Two years waiting but still happy and hopeful

If you follow us on Facebook you may have seen my brief post about it but here is the full context. Don and I have remodeled a large part of our finished basement and are moving our living room down there, so we bought all new furniture.  When we went to the local furniture shop they had a sand sculpture in the parking lot so I took a picture and posted it to our Facebook page.  The shop saw it and decided to add a gift to our furniture delivery. Our delivery was a week out from when we purchased it so that the basement could be mostly finished.

Delivery day came and as they were unloading the furniture from the truck, one of the guys brought a big red gift wrapped box over to me and set it down on the porch. I was stunned! I really was because it was a big box and then I read the card attached and immediately started tearing up.  Not only had they sent us a gift for our future child but I got it just when I needed it most.  I Love the little red chair! I really can’t wait for the day when it’s being used (and not by our four-legged kids).  For now it’s still in the box but hopefully soon we can put it in the living room or nursery. After the shock wore off I took pictures and sent them to Don, who was out of town for the weekend.  He was able to see it and was just as thrilled with it as I was. 

Here's what they said on our Facebook page when I posted our extreme appreciation:

"The Old Cannery Furniture Warehouse Glad you received it! We've been anxiously anticipating your delivery since last weekend! We will be thinking about you!"

We are still waiting for a few finishing touches to the basement but for the most part it’s done and set up.  I love it and can’t wait for Don to get home from Ghana so we can move the audio equipment and satellite receiver down there and hook it all up. We also had cabinets built in down there so I can finally move some things we don’t use often out of the kitchen beginning tomorrow after the contractor finishes up.

Tomorrow also marks our two years "live" and three years since we started the process to adopt. It's also National Chocolate day.  Last year I went for a hot fudge sundae and if it sounds good tomorrow I may celebrate with another one or maybe just eat a fun size Butterfinger. 

The Best Bits

I haven’t written in awhile but the best bit about adoption for us has been the community of support.  How great is that no matter where in the world we live we are united by a common thread. It doesn't mean our stories are the same or that our adoptions are anything but unique unto themselves but we all benefit from others experience.

We are still waiting to adopt and because of the community I am more able to have more positive days than not.  Sure I still have those moments of frustration and anxiety but the community rallies round and lifts my spirits. It will happen for us and I hope to one day be that support and guidance from the other side of adoption just as many are to me now.

I will leave you with a picture of us having a blast with friend's in New York.

Waiting to adopt and keeping positive

Staying positive and looking on the bright side during the wait can be a great challenge some days.  Most of the time we plug along with everyday tasks, always with a positive energy that today could be the day. So a few ways we keep upbeat:

1. Always wake with hope.  Hope to dream what the day can be. I always wake with the thought that maybe we got a message, email, or call and that today could be the day that changes our life.
2. Stay busy but don’t lose focus on your goals.
3. For me personally blogging has helped a great deal with processing the everyday ups and downs. I also am inspired by the vast community who share their stories. 
4. We play games – card games, board games, or games with the dogs and it ensures we spend quality time with each other and our pets.
5. Smile! Even if alone I smile.  It’s amazing how it can uplift your mood.
6. Listen to uplifting music
7. Laughing.  Whether reading something funny, laughing with friends or family to watching funny movies and TV shows. Laughter helps ease tension.
8. Travel.  When we travel I’m not glued to adoption related social media and it’s a get-away from the adoption mind set. Plus we get to enjoy new experiences.
9. Sleep.  I can be a much more positive influence on myself and others with the right amount of sleep.
10. Exercise.  Just walking the dogs around the neighborhood helps give me hope that one day I’ll be walking with our child and our dogs. Also exercise relieves stress and tension.
11. Our positive reinforcement plaque 

November is National Adoption Month

I've been reading a lot of quotes and statements so far this month and prior (thanks Pinterest) and I thought I’d say what open adoption means to us.

Adoption is a journey without a time frame

Adoption is not for the faint of heart or weak of patience

Adoption is “The Wait”

Adoption is the path to fulfill our dreams of becoming parents

Adoption is not an easy path to parenthood

Adoption is a way to bring us joy with an extended family

Adoption is about trust

Adoption is about loss for all involved

Adoption is stressful

Adoption is an expectant mom making the choice out of love for her child and herself

Adoption is the community that brings you up when you’re down

Adoption teaches you to play to your strengths; you will need them in the wait

Adoption is about living everyday waiting for the phone to ring, email to come in, or text

Open Adoption is about families coming together

The Adoption Wait is taking vacations to take your mind off the waiting

Adoption is having faith and hope that your child finds you

Adoption is about the child having a connection to their birth families

Adoption is a unique journey for all involved

Adoption is going to be so worth it!

A Letter...

To Someone I've never met,

I know we talked through messages about 6 weeks ago.  I know you are being proactive in searching your soul for an answer that only you can find. I want you to know I am here if ever you need me.

I can only see what you let me and what I do see is an incredible lady who is wise beyond her years and has a great sense of humor.  I see that person hurting and lonely and yet loved and supported. I see your faith, determination and strength of will.  Hang onto that as you continue forward.

Only you can determine what is right for you because ultimately it’s your life.  Don’t let those with closed minds or hearts disrupt yours.  You are a beautiful person inside and out.  Let yourself shine bright and enjoy everything around you even if it seems hard, you will get through it.  If life didn't have challenges we’d never learn how to navigate the world and the others in it or to appreciate the beauty that surrounds us.  

I've been asked why I care about someone I don’t even know and the answer is simple.  I care because it’s who I am and you reached out to me.  I care because as I watch from a distance my heart breaks as I read some of what you’re dealing with.  I can’t imagine how you feel but I can empathize with you. I know when something happens and I send a message that it will go unanswered and that’s OK.  I’m sending it anyway because I want you to know you aren't alone.

As you travel along the pregnancy road remember to be kind to yourself.  It isn't easy navigating pregnancy as your body changes and growing baby is keeping you up.  It’s increasingly more difficult to keep up with work and school when you’re exhausted and sick.  You are doing it though!

We don’t know if you will make an adoption plan or if you’ll parent but either way please know we are here and we care about you.  You can talk to us anytime if you need someone outside your circle to talk to without pressure to choose one way or the other.

Respectfully yours,

Nicole

I talked with our AC (Adoption Coordinator) yesterday.  It’s always nice to touch base and get her perspective on our questions.  I love that she’s an adoptive parent and can give that insight from her personal experience as well as her professional.  

We are in a non-IAC state meaning we have a different set of regulations we’ll go through once we are matched with an expectant mom. It’s all the same paperwork and processes but it will go between the state the mother lives in (unless it happens to be an IAC state) and our state agency. We also had our Home Study completed by our state.  Our State social worker is also an adoptive mom and she’s such a wonderfully supportive woman. This year at our home study renewal she told us she just had her first grandchild. I can’t wait to say that one day.

I can’t imagine trying to navigate adoption without all the support we've had. Not just through family, friends and the agency but the community as well.  It’s great to be able to ask questions or just vent and get the insights of others going through it now or in the past.  It also helps reading other peoples posts to the forum or blog posts. It’s been invaluable through our journey so far.

So as we close in on our go live date 10 days from now I have to say we've come a long way and are looking forward to what lies ahead. Here’s hoping our baby finds us soon. Visit our Iheart page or Adoptimist

Prepping for Ghana

Don is going to Ghana again this year with some of his co-workers and the charity Adanu. They build sanitation facilities and Schools for the local Villages.  He went last year and loved every minute of it. I love his enthusiasm about going and helping this Charity. We believe in the work they do and I’m glad Don can be a part of it.

Last year they stayed in town but this year they will be staying in the village. Don is excited about that. He enjoyed the town last year but not the long bumpy drive every morning and evening getting from the inn to the village and back.

Team arrival

This was the good part of the road

They don’t just build but get a few side trips while there as well.  They went to the Monkey Sanctuary, Water Falls, The market place in Accra, and the beach last year.  I think they are only going to the Market and Monkey Sanctuary this time.  Don said he wants to take video of the monkeys this year.  They are so quick to grab the bananas from you and run.

The prep this year has been a lot easier than last year and we've gotten some great deals on things to donate.  We found 192 notebooks for .22 cents each.  That was the best deal of the day I think. We also found boxes of 48 crayons for .45 cents a box so we bought every box they had.  These are going to be great for the schools and the kids. I just bought Soccer ball pumps and needles today so once they get to the Charity headquarters they can begin pumping up the soccer balls they are taking. Don is also taking 400 dice to donate and teach the kids and adults some dice games similar to Yahtzee.  The dice can also serve as a math teaching tool for the younger children. The balloons they took last year were a huge hit with the kids but they don’t last, so Don thought the dice would be a great alternative.

  

Carrying bricks 

Last year's team 

I know they plan to visit schools from previous villages they've gone to so I'll be excited to see how it's going and if the kids remember them.  Above Don is in the classroom teaching the kids how to play hangman. Last year we made and donated a bunch of Science project books to the teachers and other team members made books for Math, English, etc. I hope they're well used. The teachers were super excited to have new creative ideas for teaching the kids in fun and interesting ways. 

While we have bags upon bags and boxes all over right now, the prep is pretty much done for this year.  Don is going to check one more store for additional classroom supplies and pick up what he can then the fun begins, the packing of the bags.

If you'd like to know more about Adanu and what they do please click the link to visit the website.

A picture is worth a thousand words!

I always find it interesting when I come across various Adoption Profile pictures.  The prospective parents varied styles and my reaction to them.  I don’t know that I’d ever paid much attention before starting our journey but our agency was very concise with what we needed for ours.  One of which was the expectant mom should see your faces so no long shots and no selfies.

Other things seemed like a no brainer, like what do you want to convey in your pictures about your life.  While writing our letter I agonized over how bad some of our pictures were of things we’d have loved to put in, like Don playing the drums on stage, but poor lighting and distance didn't accurately describe him.  So I instead chose better pictures and tried to put our likes into the websites.

 I try to put myself in the Expectant mom’s shoes of envisioning what her child’s life will be like. So let’s take a look at some of the more recent photos I've seen around the adoption sites.

They’re sitting in a dark bar with neon lights with their significant other with the top of the wine bottle in the foreground between them.   What this conveys upon first glance to me is we probably drink and drive.  Now that isn't to say that’s the case (they certainly could be walking, taking a cab or have a DD) but it isn't want you’d want your first impression to be, right?  The same is true of sitting in the grass at the park with full wine glasses.  That says we’ll be drinking in the park while our child is playing.  True? No, I’m sure it isn't but again in my opinion and from what I've read you should probably leave alcohol out of your first impression picture. The other is the long shots and time and date stamped photos from years ago. Now maybe you've been waiting years but if so try to update that first impression picture to something more recent or at least crop the date stamp out.  We all have those pictures and they work great on your online profile but may be sending the wrong message as your first impression. 

I read the dos and don’ts post of a guest blogger who creates Letters for prospective parents and while she doesn't specify no alcohol in photos I’d think she’d try to sway her clients away from it (maybe not, I am speculating).  One thing she does mention is no sunglasses, well in a lot of our outdoor supporting pictures I/we are wearing sunglasses.  Simply put I wear glasses that get very dark outside, even in the shade on a bright day. It made our photo shoot extremely difficult actually and so some pictures we just had Don put his sunglasses on.

Most first impression pictures follow the eyes open and smile approach.  Even in a lot of the pictures I've seen and mentioned everyone is looking and smiling it’s just the “extras” that made me think to write this because I haven't seen it mentioned before.  I know when we started this journey we didn't have very many pictures of us together and we've tried to make sure we take some now. That said we chose additional pictures we liked that may not have been the best pictures but they said who we are. 

As it’s said “A picture is worth a thousand words!” and “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”

A favorite selfie from a baseball game we were at

My guest blog post on America Adopts

I was contacted to do a guest blog for America Adopts and here is the result.

http://www.americaadopts.com/looking-bright-side-wait-open-adoption-match/

Looking On The Bright Side As We Wait For An Open Adoption Match

Posted by Lawrence on September 30, 2014 · Leave a Comment 

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This guest post is by Nicole, a hopeful adoptive mother and blogger.

The adoption journey for us so far has been an interesting one. We knew that if we wanted to have a family we’d adopt because I didn’t want to do IVF.

Well, that is much easier said than done.

At the time we were first investigating adoption options, we kept hitting road blocks. Like the agency was closed or they only did closed adoptions. We wanted at the very least a semi-open adoption.

Years went by and then one day a friend and co-worker of my husband, Don, mentioned an agency that they’d found and were going through to adopt. Don sent me the link and I contacted them for more information.

We did a phone call to ask our questions and get them answered and signed up for the weekend workshop which was in March the following year.

As I was taking it all in and talking with others at the workshop — one couple had adopted before and were a great resource – Don was getting more and more excited about the prospects of what an open adoption could mean for us.

He was seriously like a kid in the candy store by the time we met our adoption coordinator for the first time. I, on the other hand left crying.

So many emotions; elation, anxiousness, excitement, nervousness, I couldn’t believe we’d signed the papers and were on our way.

We left that day with two additional books to read on open adoption. By the next morning I had already finished “The Kid,” one of the books, before our workshop had even started.

Our agency is in another state so as soon as we got home I began gathering the information we’d need to do our home study. Don was set to go to Ghana a few weeks after our workshops so I had everything together when he returned.

I think most prospective adopting couples stress about the home study but it really was the easiest part.

Answer everything as thoroughly as you can and don’t stress the white glove test, it doesn’t happen.

Also, the key here is keeping your humor.

Adoption is stressful and being able to laugh at yourself will be key in staying on task.

The other thing we didn’t do but should have was start our letter to a prospective mom right out of the workshop.

It held us up by five months. It is just a design/edit/design/print process that really takes time. This aspect of the process taught me that the wait was going to be hard. I would be right!

We are still waiting for our child to find us.

In fact I’ve never been one to write about myself, our life, or put us out there on social media. We’d always been quite private.

One of the many things adoption teaches you is let go, get out there and learn marketing, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and how to blog.

I just started our blog but already it’s helped me put things in perspective. I want to remember that not every day was an easy one and that we are all humans who need to laugh and cry.

I try to put a fun spin on things either with words or in pictures.

It can be hard like the day we met a couple who were considering us, loved them and they us but in the end we got the call to say they went with the other couple.

So difficult to hear and experience but it strengthened my resolve it can happen at literally anytime.Someday, I can look back at it with our child and say this is the story of our family and you were so worth it!

Other things I do besides update our social sites is to try and keep busy with travel, friends, family, and home projects. We recently went to meet up with a bunch of friends in Atlanta for a convention get together.

This summer we worked on projects in the yard between battling the bugs eating our food in the garden (the bugs pretty much won this year!) to finishing a patio we’d been working on.

We also have been seeing friends or family every weekend for game days. It helps to “get out of your head” even for a few hours or a few days. As our journey continues I try to look on the bright side and wait for the adrenaline rush from a contact who could be the one.

Nicole and her husband, Don, and  live with their “boys” Tucker, Parker (above), Oscar and Chance (cats) and are waiting to complete their family through open adoption. They’ve been married for 18 years and counting, are animal lovers and can’t wait to share their lives with a child. To find out more about them check out their blog.

Are you waiting to adopt?
If you’re looking for ways to increase your visibility and connect with others in the community, including prospective birthparents, share your story with us.

Empathy, Autism, Friendship and Parenting

I've been reading a lot of parenting articles and one recently mentioned parents not teaching kindness and empathy in children.  As a sensitive and empathetic person I find it disturbing to say the least. I do believe the parents are the keys to unlock our kids potential, among many other factors and kindness towards ourselves and others is absolutely necessary. I realize right and wrong trump it most times but seriously isn't hard to touch base on even in the right/wrong lesson.
A story of when I was in 6th grade; A girl about half way through the school year moved to the super small town I lived in.  She Always wore bowling shoes and people made fun of her and her simple nature.  I took offense and I was myself chastised for being kind to her and empathic. I realize now she was autistic but back then we didn't have a word for it (even if we did I was in 6th grade and didn't know it).  She had a great family, she was kind, fun, and I hope her life turned out amazing. I spent time with them for about a year before I moved away. She was so real I still smile thinking of her, her bowling shoes, her black bob and our friendship and to those fellow students who laughed you really missed out!
Wanting to have a family ourselves I keep in mind the people I knew and read the articles I can so I can be as informed and reflective as possible. I hope to be the parent that teaches right, wrong, empathy, kindness, and silliness. 

Don's experiment and the dog who ate a shoe!

Today was a good day of running errands, stopping in to see my favorite waitress I haven't seen all summer and cleaning.  Then Don calls and wants to make Sriracha from scratch.  Well OK I get everything we have at home out for him while he grabs the peppers and sugar from the store before heading home from work. Everything looks good and as it ferments over the next 7 days it's like a little experiment.

 Our mix   

Like I've said before Don likes Hot, spicy food, sauces, etc.  He puts rooster sauce on darn near everything.  I'm sure it'll be good but we will find out in 7 days once he cooks it, strains it and tries it.

The more interesting thing is the dog who ate a shoe.  *SIGH* So back in July for some totally strange reason Tucker ate the side of my shoe.  Now my dogs aren't usually like that.  They tend to stick to their toys or bones.  Every now and again they get into something they shouldn't but this was beyond me.  I had just taken it off.  Well I bought a new pair of shoes. Fast forward to tonight and BAM! I hear a clink, clink of a dog tag and Parker isn't on his spot (he has a pillow on the couch) so I go find him in the bedroom eating the inner sole of my new shoe. GRRRR! Thankfully I caught him before he ate the shoe but good grief.  Why are my 8 year old dogs suddenly into eating my shoes? Of course I'll never know but it isn't how I wanted to end what was otherwise a pleasant day. So looks like I'm shopping at the outlet mall for shoes tomorrow because I don't know if inserts will work in half eaten Toms. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Open Adoption

I thought I was going to write about something completely different but it came to mind that many people don't fully understand what Open adoption is or how an agency can help you navigate it. So let me begin with we are with Independent Adoption Center  http://www.adoptionhelp.org/ and they are one of the first agencies that started the thinking on Open Adoption.  I am fully behind the open adoption for many reasons and the first and foremost is the benefit to the child and birth family.  We got super excited to learn that our child is supposed to have access to his birth mom/dad/family and they'd know from the start that they were chosen and not abandoned.  They'd never wonder why didn't they want me? Why can't I find my family medical history? Why!? That spoke volumes to us.  I can't express how excited we are to find that someone to match with and make a family, not just our family but the extended birth family.  I want our child(ren) to know that they came to us through love and sacrifice and the birth parents/family love them and want to know them as aunts, uncles, birth mom, birth dad, whatever. I can't wait to match and have said baby and get to arrange our meetings with the birth family.  I can imagine all kinds of gatherings and hope that one day they come true.
Now a lot of folks think that because you have an open adoption that you aren't the "true parents" and that isn't the case.  We are the parents, we do the 2am feedings, the doctor appts. the coach for whatever the child is into, we do the playing, feeding, discipline, etc. There is no doubt who the parents are and in open adoption it's a much more stable environment for the child.
As for the agency, if you're even considering an adoption plan please contact them, there is no obligation and they have a lot of information that can help you make a plan, even if you choose to parent they can help you find resources to get you started.
Open Adoption may not be for everyone but it is how we want to grow our family and parent. We can't wait to make our match and make a family through open adoption.

I helped with the birth of our friends daughter (about 10 mins old in this pic) and it's a treasured memory I hope to share with our birth mom someday.

Family and pumpkins

My Uncle is coming up from California to visit soon and I really want to share some pumpkin recipes while they are in town.  So I went and got some pumpkins to cook and plan to make some homemade pumpkin bread, some Curry Pumpkin soup and a handmade pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting.  My grandparents house is where we all meet up together and play games, eat, and enjoy each others company.  We always look forward to it.

I'll also be bringing my mom and grandparents some of the homemade apple butter I made. My love of canning comes from my grandma so I like to show what a good job she did teaching me as I grew up and all the canning books, recipes, and jars have gone to good use.

Improptu dinner date

Don was able to get off work early and so we decided to head out to Thai food for dinner.  We order and Don's usual response is what is the hottest dish I can order.  Yep, Don has a heat meter.  Of course we have the yummy crab and cream cheese won tons but as soon as our food arrives Don tastes his dish and says meh, not too hot.  I tell him the heat builds but our heat sensors are very different.  I'm right the heat builds but is still not as hot as he thinks he was ordering. 
Don puts hot sauce on everything from Teriyaki, Mexican, Greek, Italian, and Thai.  oh and leftovers and boiled eggs are definitely getting the hot sauce treatment.  I like a good spice but a burn me spice isn't enjoyable to me and he loves it. I always tease him and he now realizes he can't be my heat meter as everything is much, much hotter to me than him.  So to my Scorpion, Ghost pepper lover, I love you!, Thanks for the dinner date.

A day with Friends who are like our extended Family

Today is another game day with friends.  When I say game people may think watching baseball or football but I mean actual board games.  We play with the family and a few other friends who drive up. This week I won't be playing but instead hanging out with my friend's wife and daughter(s).  They are playing a war game this week and I have no interest in war games (think super Risk).

I prefer games like Apple to Apples, Scrabble, or Talisman style games.  Our friend's daughters were both home and her two grand daughter's were there with us while dad played the game with the others (he's in the blue cap in the above picture).  We played a few board games, and played with the little girls and they loved playing catch the butterfly, run through the sprinkler and dress up. The dog even showed off her Batgirl costume for Halloween.

Playing with the butterfly net

playing dress up

I am Batgirl!

I ended the night at home with my baby in my lap eating his Antler while his brother, Parker, pouted because he wanted the one Tucker had instead of his own, which he was happily chewing on until Tucker started in on his.  

Welcome to a mini-meltdown and how it ends in laughter

Welcome to my mini-meltdown, don't worry it ends well.

So people always ask How's the adoption going?
Well there is no clear way to answer that question.  Honestly it's a hurry up and give your life over to waiting, advertising, bugging your friends and family to share your pages on social media and asking them to ask their friends/family to share us as well and constantly updating things with even the most mundane of daily life. Yep, Cleaned the house again today and watered the garden.
My phone is constantly in my hand or my pocket, I'm never ever without it after we missed a few calls 6 months ago.  Every time it dings I pick it up to see if we have a text or email.  I feel rude when with other people, even Don but I have to do it.  Believe me I wish I didn't but it is a part of the adoption plan. By The Way caller from Thailand stop calling at 4 am we aren't who you're looking for.

Why post so often? It helps a potential Birth mom have a glimpse into your life, even the everyday boring stuff.
Well it must be hard to wait. Duh!
How do you occupy your time? See the above first statement.
Then there is the adage that the wait is the hardest part and just keep living life because the right baby will find you.  OK, sure it'll eventually happen but not without all the pressure to do more, more, more because if you don't and someone else is you'll lose out.  Yep, certainly living life to the fullest when all you are thinking about is how to do more.
Seriously, the right mom WILL find us but it doesn't feel that way some days. This is when I need to step away, Breathe deep, and remember the following:

As always it's the friends who have no idea the day you're having who find that gem on You Tube and share it that brings back the laughter and reality that it's just a meltdown, let it happen and move on. Tomorrow is another day and the reality is expectant mom could find us tonight, tomorrow or in 6 months.

How pets, especially dogs, can prep you for parenthood.

A Tongue and Cheek look at the similarities :)

• Dogs and kids put everything they can into their mouths and need to be taught what is ok and what isn't
• Dogs have taught us how to seriously baby(dog) proof
• Dogs like some kids end up in the emergency room for illnesses
• Sleep is a luxury with young children/infants and puppies
• Cleaning is constant with dogs and kids
• Daily or almost daily outings to the park for walking/playing
• Dogs and kids love playing and learning
• Dogs and kids love music
• Dogs and kids both need to socialize
• Dogs need teething bones to chew while teething and kids need teething chews you freeze for them
• Both dogs and kids need to be potty trained
• Dogs have foods they can never have while kids shouldn't have honey or nuts until after 3 years of age
• Dogs will also be noise sensitive if not exposed to noises growing up as will kids.  Bring on the noise :)
• Dogs and kids can have explosive accidents at the worst time (guests visiting) but it all cleans up the same
• Dogs and kids leap without mind for consequences (at least the kids learn but our dogs really don't)
• Dogs and kids will drag out every toy they have and leave it all over the house
• Dogs and kids always want what you have versus what they have
• Dogs and kids always need you "Right Now" as soon as you're on the phone or in a conversation with someone
• Sleeping with dogs or toddlers is at best a three ring circus as they snuggle really close almost pushing you out of bed or you contort your body in attempts to sleep you can barely move in the morning
• Dogs and kids need routines

At the end of the day though dogs and kids are 200% worth it!  Our dogs and cats are family; our kids.  We can't wait to be parents and share our love of animals with our child(ren). 

Things we enjoy

Some facts:

We both love to travel and have gone so many fun places. We routinely travel to California as we both have family and friends there so drive down at least once a year. Looking at our pictures on Facebook, iHeart, or Adoptimist you'll see a lot of travel pictures from The Grand Canyon, St Croix, New York, Atlanta, Hawaii, Paris, London, Ghana and Texas.  We can't wait to share trips with our little one so they can see the differences and beauty around the US and the world.

Don in his classroom in Ghana

the Grand Canyon

We both enjoy reading and Don loves History, Biography, Science Fiction, and Fantasy.  I like Fantasy, Mystery, Science Fiction and Anne Rice. I'm currently reading a book I picked up from the author at Dragon Con. It's a mystery set in a historical setting with a fantasy element to it.  I just started it but so far it's pretty good at getting you straight into the story.

We love going to the Theater and when we're in New York we try to make at least one show while we're there.  I love seeing Phantom of the Opera, Rent, Chicago, Avenue Q, Wicked and so many others.  Funny thing is I've seen Wicked in Chicago, Alabama and New York but every time it comes to Seattle we miss it.

When it comes to movies and music we're eclectic.  From Nine Inch Nails to Dream Theater to BB King and Johnny Cash we listen to most everything. Movies are just as varied.  I'd say we watch a lot of comedies, Sci-fi/fantasy, musicals, life stories and animation.  We also like Golden age of Hollywood movies but will watch any movie at least once.

Some favorites movies and TV Shows:

Don:

• Never cry Wolf
• Gladiator
• The Big Lebowski
• Star Trek the search for Spock
• Last Samurai
• King Kong (1933)
• I'm Not There
• Blade Runner
• Grand Canyon
• Life of Pi
• Glengarry GlenRoss
• Up in the Air
• Sideways
• The Right Stuff
• Across The Universe
• Arrested Development
• Star Trek the original series
• Wall-E
• Firefly
• Babylon 5
• Doctor Who
• MASH
• Deadwood
• Mad Men

Nicole:

• Nightmare Before Christmas
• Alice in Wonderland (either Tim Burton or Disney version)
• Phantom of the Opera
• Rock of Ages
• Pitch Perfect
• Dark Shadows
• For Love of the Game
• Across The Universe
• A League of Their Own
• Fried Green Tomatoes
• Steel Magnolias
• Wreck it Ralph
• Despicable Me 2
• Toy Story
• White Christmas
• Elf
• The Breakfast Club
• Castle
• Poirot
• Firefly
• Star Trek
• Babylon 5
• Sherlock
• Looney Tunes
• Scooby Doo
• Doctor Who
• Torchwood
• Downton Abbey
• MASH
• Friends
• Dancing with the Stars

Our way to Adoption

When we first started talking about adoption, a friend of ours gave us a few books to read.  She is a birth mom and wanted to be sure she gave us the kind of all encompassing views and how to get started.  One of the books was 'Adopting a Child' which talks about all the different ways to adopt and gave agency resources in the back.  The others were 'The essential adoption handbook' and the 'Things every adopted kid wants to know'.  I honestly found it rather daunting a task looking for an adoption agency on line back then since most listed for our state in the book were no longer handling adoptions.  Then a friend of ours and his wife found IAC and told us about them.  We called for more info and chose to sign up for the weekend workshops. Really informative and they gave us two more books to read, one we choose and the other was on 'Open Adoption'.  We chose 'The Kid', which was great since it is a very candid view of a gay couple adopting from a homeless mom who drinks, etc. It really helped put some fears to rest and had us doing a lot of research into the effects of drugs and alcohol and general health of the mom and how we'd proceed.  Both books were a great look at open adoption and how to be prepared to talk about it with your family and friends as well as your child as early as possible and to make it a normal conversation. The open adoption plan is what made us jump in with both feet.  We want our child to know their birth parents and for them to become extended family if they want that close a relationship. I am really familiar with closed adoption, both my mom and dad were adopted as infants by their dads.  Neither of them to this day have any contact with their biological fathers and neither want any.  I think that sums up that a family is built on love, support and caring by those who raise you rather than your genetic make up.  Sure genetics play a role but it's how you are raised in becoming who you are that matters. We have friends who were also adopted and they agree wholeheartedly. I'm so glad we chose to go this route and can't wait to share our journey with an expectant mom and build a family through open adoption.

The five books we've read so far.