I'm not dead and we're still trying to adopt

So my last post was all about yay! A contact but then she turned out to be working with multiple agencies.

BIG FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT!

So instead of matching with her after texting for almost 2 weeks we said good-bye and good-luck.

So now it’s December, almost the end of it actually and I realize I’ve seriously neglected the blog.

We were featured in our friend’s blog post this month and for that we were extremely grateful.  She was lucky to adopt this year after an excruciating wait and for her to feature us and a few other friends still waiting was a blessing to all of us especially since she doesn’t update the blog often because you know new parent, work, and school. She’s quite busy and extremely happy to be.  I can’t express how thrilled I am for them, seriously even though we are still waiting it’s amazing to see our adoption friends become a family.

Christmas is upon us and I’ve been ready for a few weeks.  I called early in the month for gift ideas, made my choices and they’ve been delivered and wrapped beneath the tree for a couple weeks.  This year was an order, ship, wrap season.  I hope everything we got works for everyone but if not I tried my best with my limited knowledge.  Turns out we’ll be having 16 people for Christmas this year  (I thought we’d have 10 which is doable) and my @400sq ft is going to be stretched to the max.  You see our house is a 2 story so most of the upstairs is bedrooms/bathrooms/kitchen leaving about 400sq ft.  The basement which we turned into our living room is also about 400 sq ft so not much respite there.  If I had known we’d have so many folks I’d have suggested a restaurant banquet space so we’d all have room and seats. 

What bums me out is I can’t cook us a Christmas dinner.  I mean I can but no one has a place to sit so I opted for appetizers this year.  I’m going to miss the family dinner. I love cooking for family and so this is a huge bummer for me; although I am still making my cheesecake (drunken cherry cheesecake) for dessert.  I refuse to give that up.  I’m also making my Pumpkin bread to share. 

I find myself this season giving all kinds of positive reinforcement for others in our agency and it’s often not easy (seriously for how long we’ve been waiting this sucks not because they don’t deserve it but because we’ve been passed over so often! But I refuse to be a Debbie downer it’s not me) but you know I know it makes a difference. The waiting sucks!  Period! No matter if its 5 months or 5 years but the difference is those waiting 5 years are seriously thinking it’s about time to quit vs those who just signed up thinking it’s gonna happen anytime.  I remember those days and then watching those days slide past as others dreams came true.

I can only hope that our dream can come through before I say enough is enough.  I’m tired of the almost, the failed matches, the failed placements.  I try to keep the faith that our family is out there. Since our resent contact was contacting multiple agencies and therefore we didn’t match with her my faith is restored in our agency diligence but I wish it’d been before we’d been contacted. It’s the downside of open adoption.

I’m also disappointed in our other agency who called me after we opted for a small partial refund (thus ending our contract).  As soon as the check cleared our account we received a call asking if we’d entertain an EM due a month from now.  I was asleep and even my asleep self said No. You aren’t getting me to re-sign up after our failed placement.  If you had this mom you could have presented her before we said no thank you. I have no faith in them and I’m done but it doesn’t mean I don’t get upset saying No, or that I don’t cry with the possibility I just turned down because I do.  I get upset every single time!

Someday we hope to be parents but I hope it happens before we say no more as each year looms closer to the no children option. When May rolls around and we have to update our home study and FBI clearances I guess we’ll see where I’m at.  It’s not a cheap process and if you have not gotten leads it’s a discouragement and a why? I’m also bummed our social worker is retiring this month so we’ll be working with someone new next year.

I love our social worker and am so bummed she wasn’t/won’t be here to witness our family being built. She adopted her 4 kids and has shared such great stories; I’d really hoped she’d been in our corner but 4 almost 5 years in she’s retiring. I sent her a card I hope she’s received.  She can’t explain why we haven’t been chosen and then neither can we or our AC so you know we just plug along.

So that’s December – It’s an emotional mix of emotions and themes.
So here’s Our Christmas tree this year and some of the presents under it.

September

It’s been awhile but we did go to Dragon Con.  We had an absolute blast with our friends.

We did discuss what happened in TN and then we moved on.  It was the best medicine!

We went to concerts, Balls, and a rave.  We had our Best. Con. YET!

We can’t wait until next year! Our tickets are bought and another of our friend’s from Seattle is also planning to go.  We’ve asked her to go the last couple years but it hasn’t worked out so next year should be great as well.

The unfortunate issue is Don picked up a cold and on our flight home it started to manifest.  A couple days later I was down for the count.  His was a head cold of a few days with a slight cough that cleared up within 5 days.  I got the lung infection of Bronchitis that had me way under.  When I first got sick I thought ok in a few days it’ll go as his has; that didn’t happen ( I haven't been sick like this in years - a couple days of sniffles but not down and out sick like this was!).  I got the cold and it started on day one as a sore throat and a head cold and by day two it was in my lungs.  I waited it out with over the counter meds and lots of sleep for a week but then it was clear it was more than a cold.  I went to the clinic and the doctor was worried I might have a severe case of Phenomena.  Luckily my X-rays showed it was just Bronchitis. A bunch of prescriptions later I was sent home.  So for the next couple weeks I took my steroids, Antibiotics, inhaler, cough medicine, and cough syrup and I was beginning to feel better.   So that was my September. 

I was fortunate to be better and was able to make my friend’s wedding.  I was thrilled to be a part of her special day.

Now it’s October and it’s a reminder that soon we’ll be a part of the National Last minute Hospital List for our agency.  Honestly I thought we’d have the paperwork by now but I guess it’s a couple weeks out so there is still time for the letter to arrive.

What is the last minute Hospital List?

It simply means we’re on the list for all the areas our agency is involved in (meaning where they have offices). It’s really just a finite second chance because they really don’t have that many last minute placements but it is something better than nothing and a hope for a future of becoming parents.

So I await that letter so we can be included in Last minute hospital situations. We are also not far off from the top 50 longest waiting families so again more hope of even more exposure in our wait.

Until then I look forward to friends and family days (yesterday was a friend game day and it was 13 of us so I can't wait to see how it happens the next few months!) and look forward to the holidays this year.  My brother and his family moved home in August so I can’t wait to spend it with them after 4 years away. I’ve really missed them and am looking forward to this year. Today they were supposed to come visit but something happened and they couldn't so hopefully soon they can come visit.

Our agency site

We Survived a Failed Placement

So I’m starting this post off negatively but if you’ve wondered where we are it’s because we had a failed placement and it's taken me awhile to process it and write it out.  

Now before we get into the thick of it let’s talk basics.  Back in May we signed with a second agency and after a possible match, which I was dragging my feet on and then on day 3 the agency said wait, whoa don’t send in the match fee, we moved on and would eventually match with K. (yes another K name).

Now K was a quiet but an honest young lady.  Our attorney however put a doubt in our mind and it would cause some chaos that I’d maneuver in just a few very stressful days but it worked out.

We matched the end of May and by June I was working the attorney circuit looking for an attorney to represent her and I planned to go out and meet her and her son.  It was an awkward meeting because again she was a quiet person and I’m not good with small talk.  However, I found her to be sweet and her son to be a typical 3 year old.  I enjoyed meeting and spending time with them both. 

So we were texting everyday or every few days and things seemed to be progressing in a natural way.  She was working on getting herself in a better position once birth and placement happened and we were trying to make sure she had what she needed as she needed it.

Now the rub is; looking back; that she hinted at the things that would eventually undo our adoption plan.  Her family was happy she had an adoption plan they didn’t support her at all.  She used to be close to mom until….(not important). So ya the signs were there but I didn’t catch them per se.  I think I instinctively got it because I was so guarded but it wasn’t there at the time in the fore front. They always say in adoption literature and blogs if the family isn’t supportive it’s a BIG RED FLAG! Because 9 out 10 times they come forward at the hospital and offer support thus screwing the adoptive parents who’ve been supporting them for months as was the case with us.

Incoming RANT: 

Oh how I’d love to be able to get restitution on what we spent on support but you know it’s not an adoptive family friendly environment, in fact we have zero protection in these matters.  Honestly we’re the ones taking the financial and emotional risks (and the damn scammers that come with that – hello emotional trauma; again no recourse – WTF!!!!).

Ok Rant over and I feel better, moving on…..

So what happened in our case? Well the very simplified version is she asked for a day alone to reflect and have time to which we agreed.  Our friends were coming into town that day from out of state so we’d only planned on stopping in to visit her and the baby in the morning and then heading out.  She however then sent the late night text the night before asking for a bit of space so we obliged.

We met our friends at a restaurant/pub in the area where we were staying.  We had talked of going to the zoo or maybe visiting another local historical home.  Unfortunately while my friend and I were outside I got a text asking me to come by first thing in the morning that she needed to talk to us but everything was ok. I showed my friend and said that’s it it’s over she’s going to parent.  My friend the forever optimist said no, you don’t know that, just keep the faith.  I knew.  She’d call less than 10 mins later to tell me that she couldn’t do it and that she was only doing it because she didn’t have support and now she did and she just couldn’t go through with it. So bottom line is mom abandoned her when she was pregnant and homeless with a 3 year old but as soon as baby was born in the hospital no way could baby go to a family outside theirs.  

Now It actually happens quite often but if I’d read the signs properly I’d have had those questions answered before we ever got to delivery. There were other signs, some quite blatant but I’m not into the details just the basics here.  Mind you during this time my mom is excitedly asking me if she can post pics and info and I keep her at bay for 2 days and then this happened and I texted “She is going to parent” ya that’s not how I wanted this to go.  As much as I wanted it to be right, it wasn’t.  I wish her the absolute best, honestly. She is a good, kind-hearted, and loving lady.  She has 2 boys to raise and I do hope that offer of support for her and the kids continues to be there for her. I will never not think of her and hope she is doing well.

Now the best part is we have friends in with their son from out of town visiting when I get the phone call.  Don, our friend’s hubby and their son are off playing games and I want Don to have a good day.  I walk off to the bathroom not once but twice during our visit to cry in a stall.

My friend agrees not to say anything and buys me a shot of vodka (so glad to not be driving!), which woo took me a few sips to finish.  We then decide to go downtown and walk around (mind you my friend knows we’ll be leaving and wants us to see the city we’re in before we go.  Also note Don doesn’t know yet!).

After our trip to downtown Nashville to shop, walk, goof off, and eat, they drive us back to our car and follow us back to our friend’s place where we are staying.  It wasn’t until they left that I told Don what had happened 10 hours earlier.  We talked and he went to bed, I then went downstairs and into the family room of our friends where we are staying and told them.

Now I have no idea how I was able to keep it together for 10 hours before telling Don but I did because I wanted him to have a good day with our friends and not think about the adoption.  He even said why didn’t you tell me and I told him X and X were here and I wanted us to have good memories and a great visit.  Mind you we normally take a trip to Atlanta for Labor Day so we’d cancelled that because hello, becoming parents is top priority, but ya now it’s cancelled and we aren’t. So the trip home was rather somber as we explained where the baby was.  We had a car seat and stroller combo and a newborn sleeper that had to be shipped home.  I even had my carry on pulled by TSA because of baby stuff (my carry on had our diaper bag with clothes, diapers and wipes) and we had no baby; ugh!(side note the guy was super nice he was just doing his job).  However the best part was we could’ve taken the baby stroller/car seat combo and baby wrap back for a refund but we chose to bring it home as a symbol that we will be parents! We both still know we’ll be parents but we’re waiting for the right person to come along and make it happen for us and expand our family.

The planets must have aligned because next week we are going to Dragon Con and meeting our friend’s.  We definitely need this trip to be ourselves outside this process. We found new cheap flights and free hotel which is beyond abnormal (bye-bye points we’ve spent you all and then some).  I’m super excited because just last week we couldn’t go and I was a bit mopey.  I’m super excited to go even though half our friends can’t make it.  We’ll have a great time with our friends who experienced our heartbreak with us and helped us through that. Did I mention I'm super excited!

So where does that leave us now:

We are coming up on 3 years live in a short few weeks and we’re only 8 families out of the top 50 with our agency, which means the 50 longest waiting families so maybe this is where we are meant to be. Who can say for sure?  I do know that yesterday I opened Instagram and I saw this posted by a friend and fellow long waiter in this process, who has recently adopted, and it really struck me so I asked if I could share it.

So that's it we've survived a failed placement and are so very lucky for our support network. We have adjusted and are moving on in the right direction. Hopefully our meant to be is just around the corner.

Remembering grandma and Family time

Remembering Grandma
Two weeks ago my uncle called to say he was planning a trip up the following week to spend time with family and to see grandma.  So we talked about getting together while he was here, etc.
Well, grandma passed away two days later surrounded by all of us who live here.  Other family from out of state called to say good-bye.  It was heartbreaking since losing grandpa 7 months earlier and she'd been doing pretty well until that day.  She was laughing and joking around just the day before and then she was ready to go.  I got a text from my mom and aunt that Thursday afternoon telling me it was time to say good-bye. Don was working from home that day so we got in the car and headed down. We stayed as long as we could and I got hug and kiss her and tell her how much we loved her. It really means a lot to me that I got to be with my grandparents before they passed away.  I got the call 15 minutes after we left that she passed.  I'm glad Don was driving us home. My grandma was the rock in the family, She always gave great hugs, advice when you asked for it, and her laughter was infectious.  She loved playing games, usually won, and she loved us all so much.  She also loved traveling with my grandpa all over the US, Mexico and Canada.  Later on they took a bunch of long cruises and went to China, Hong Kong, Panama, Antarctic and Australia to name a few and always shared their trips with us through stories and pictures.  Grandma's memorial was this past Thursday and everyone had such great memories to share and my aunt even had a recording of my grandma from the week before that she played and it made us all laugh when we heard grandma say "Where the hell are we going?" The service was beautiful and a great way to remember the amazing lady that she was.
October 31, 1931 - March 24, 2016

 I love this picture of grandma and I 

She loved to laugh

grandma in 1947 - she was 16

 With my grandma - I was a year old 

 Always loved the double exposed picture my Aunt took of my grandparents

 Grandma as a child 

Family Time

So my uncle flew up here for the week and I met him at Snoqualmie Falls on Wednesday.  We talked, walked around and took pictures before heading back to my house where Don had gotten off work early and was waiting for us.  We showed him all the changes we've made to our place and then went to dinner.  We talked and played games and had a great time.  He had to get up early to go pick up my aunt so we met up again at the memorial.  He was heading out to my cousins place for the weekend and we went out for the night on Saturday.  So much fun.  We hadn't been to my cousins new place since he moved last year so it was great on all fronts.  We got to spend time with family and see the island they call home.  They picked us up at the ferry terminal on his sailboat and we cruised back to the island.  The dogs loved it and it was a gorgeous day to be on the water. We met some of his neighbors at the BBQ that evening and they had 4 of the sweetest girls who hang out with my cousins daughter. We talked about adoption and it was great having someone who understands the process. They adopted their girls and they are so loved. One day it'll be our turn.  We hadn't planned on staying the night but we were invited to and we did.  I'm glad we did we had a great night hanging out with family having a few drinks, lots of food and lots of stories.  I liked what my cousin said when I said I didn't have stuff for us but at least the dogs had everything they needed and he said "That's why you're going to be awesome parents because they come before you." In the morning we were driven to the ferry terminal and said good-bye.  It was the first time the dogs had been on a ferry but they loved it.  Don will be seeing my uncle again next weekend since he'll be in CA for the weekend to see his parents. He offered to give Don a tour of CBS where he works so that should be a fun day for them.

  All Aboard Selfie

    Happy Happy

My aunt took this picture of us last week

The dogs meet my cousins puppy who wore them out 

December 2015 - Where I've been

Good-bye 2015 and Hello to a New Year!

I haven’t written in a month and I needed that time off to focus on us and getting the house back in order after the construction completed.  Seems like it’s all I’ve talked about recently but we really accomplished a lot of small and not so small jobs around the house this last year.   It feels great to finally get some of these things done.

 Our first project was redoing the basement bathroom

Then we moved on to flooring

 We also repainted and added cabinets to this room

 We hired a contractor to redo this half of the basement and stairwell

Finished and furnished - new living room

So December was full of fun.  We returned from California late on Sunday after Thanksgiving and Don had to get on a plane the next morning for Houston.  I took the time to dig out the decorations so I was ready when Don got home that weekend to go pick out our tree.  I am like a kid in the candy shop on a shopping spree giddy about getting the tree.  If we do nothing else I just want a Christmas tree and the ability to decorate it and the house while listening to Christmas music.  Don is less interested because live trees are heavy but he does it for me every year (and I tell him every year he must really love me!).  I do look every year for a fake tree that I like without being a pre-lit tree but to no avail.  While I’d still probably get a small live tree, I have to admit having a fake one in the garage would be great. 

 This is now our dining room all decorated for Christmas

Ok, so the tree is home and set up, we have 12 days until Christmas.  Then we planned a gaming party for the Monday and Tuesday before Christmas.  As I’ve mentioned before Construction leaves a huge amount of dust and it just keeps coming even after cleaning up so I asked Don to help clean the kitchen walls, ceiling etc.  He went up to the kitchen and said you know if we’re clearing out the kitchen to deep clean, we may as well repaint and replace the temporary cabinet we put in 12 years ago.  Now if he is up to paint, I’m all for it so I jumped at it.  He made his way to the big box store on Tuesday while I began clearing everything from the kitchen. He picked out the paint which is something I normally do and he chose well.  It’s a sort of cranberry color which goes well with the other accessories in the kitchen and our floor is grey so we painted the ceiling grey instead of white.  It sounds quick and easy on paper but it’s a kitchen.  The walls were cleaned twice, as well as sanded down and wiped down again and they were still resisting the paint. We should have had it done in a couple days but I finally finished putting the kitchen back together on Sunday night at 10pm. Our guests were due to arrive around noon the following day.  Whew! At least it got done.

 new cabinets and kitchen color

The game day holiday party we hosted was a lot of fun.  We played every expansion of Talisman (hence the 2 days and we still didn’t finish it before people had to head home). Our friends from up north just stayed over and a good thing too since it snowed all afternoon and evening. We were supposed to have a white Christmas this year but it happened a few days early.  Our yard is great to sled in when it snows but we didn’t get enough on the ground.

 Talisman game

snowing 

Christmas day was great! My mom was able to come which is something I’d worried she wouldn’t be able to do.  She was released from the Hospital the 2^nd week of December but I was worried about her not being able to sit for very long.  They did leave shortly after dessert though since they’d stopped and saw my grandma for a few hours before coming up here. I’m just glad she is on the mend and getting better every day.

my mom showing me the blouse I got her as one of her Christmas presents

our nephew showing off his new shoes

So that’s pretty much the December review.  Not much else happened after Christmas except making homemade Donuts the day after Christmas. Our nephew ( the one pictured above) had surgery today to remove a tumor from his foot and luckily it was benign, yesterday they thought it was cancer after looking at his MRI. So ya seriously over 2015!  We stayed in for New Years Eve this year which was great. 

 Happy New Year!

I’m seriously glad 2015 is over.  It was a rough year but it’s made my resolve all that more strong. 

We have a trip coming up in a few days and I can’t wait to get someplace warmer for a few days. 

Here's hoping for a great year for all of us in 2016.

Thanksgiving trip 2015

Every year we go home to visit for Thanksgiving.  It can seem complicated but we’ve gotten used it.  We drive down and stop at our friend’s place in the Sacramento area and stay the night then the following day with his family and in-laws (although not this year, we'd stay on our way home).  We always enjoy that and the dogs love playing with his son and running around the back yard. We then leave (usually) on Sunday morning and head to our hotel where we unload the car and then head over to his parent’s house.  We usually eat dinner and hang out for a couple hours then head back to our hotel for the night.

Monday usually has us spending the entire day with his parents.  We go over for breakfast and talk, hang out, eat dinner and watch a movie or two.  Tuesday and Wednesday are usually my family days.  Each year is a bit different based on when my aunt isn’t in school.  This year though, I went to spend a few hours with my dad on Monday while Don took his parents to the mall so his mom could get a new cell phone. My dad had a stroke in October and I needed to see how he was doing. I’ve been extremely worried about him since I found out but he didn’t want me to come down to help out.  I’m so glad to say he is coming along although nowhere near 80%+ but improving daily. He can sign his name and has a leg brace to help him walk and stay upright so I’m happy to see him improving and pretty quickly. Monday is also the day I found out my mom entered Kidney failure due to the massively strong antibiotics they’ve had her on for MRSA (antibiotic resistant staph infection) after her back surgery back in October.  I guess you could say October was a bad month for me.  Mom is going on two weeks in the hospital but will hopefully be home (although still on an IV with antibiotics) by this weekend.  When we spoke today she’d had dialysis and was in pretty good spirits, as good as you can be; that is when the whole right side of your body is bruised and sore from head to toe on one side and you’re still recovering from a fusion of your spinal cord.

So Tuesday had us going to his parents for breakfast and then meeting my dad and aunt for dinner.  We went to Outback and enjoyed dinner and the company.  Our visits with them are always so short.  I wish they were available all day but between work and school it isn’t possible.  We got to spend about 4 ½ hours hanging out together.  I did talk to them every day we were there though.

Wednesday was breakfast at his parents then we went to see my mom’s brother.  This year we went out to Mexican instead of doing a BBQ which was really good.  We went back to his place after dinner for lots of pinball and music and Don and he had a cigar. The only time Don has anything like that is the one time a year we go visit my uncle, it’s their tradition in the back yard or open garage. We met a neighbor of his and stayed way longer than we normally do but we were having a great time talking and competing for high score of the night.

Don playing my Uncle's Southpark pinball game 

Thursday we were going to try and have breakfast with my dad and aunt but it didn’t work out and instead got a phone call for us to come to Don’s parents. So we ended up at their place 4 hours early so Don set up their new printer and showed his mom how to do things with her new phone.  Later his uncle and his long time girlfriend arrived.  We would go to a restaurant late that afternoon for dinner.   I have to say it was a lot of food, good eats, and a great price per person for the quality. His uncle and girlfriend left for the couple hour drive home from the restaurant and we went back to his parent’s house for a couple hours. We called it fairly early that night so we could all get a good amount of rest.

Come Friday morning we were headed to meet up with a CA co-worker of Don’s for lunch in Irvine and a tour of Blizzard Entertainment.  Come to find out her husband works there and when he offered the tour we jumped at the chance.  We were able to find a Petsmart hotel close by to the restaurant and we made an appointment for the dogs to go to daycare while we went to lunch and did the campus tour.

I have to say I wasn’t 100% sure what we’d see outside the Orc statue out front with the flags and a bunch of buildings where people work.  We were pleasantly surprised all the statues were in place and well lit so we could take pictures. We got to see the library and holy cow so amazing! So many games, books, and other cool things to check out if you work there. I’d spend a lot of time in there playing games in the evenings if I worked there. We also saw an office from outside as we entered a building and we thought it was the store.  Nope, someone’s office with so many cool things we just wanted it to be a store (they don’t have a physical store only online). The control room was cool to see but no pictures allowed then we moved on to the timeline of Blizzard and the games they released.  It needs to be updated for the last couple years but still nifty to see all of them in one chart. The museum was cool to see, they have original art work, statues, the armor they give to long time employees, a display case of items given out each Christmas to employees and also fan art. We then got a tour of where he works.  Really cool IT dept. which is saying something.  After the tour we talked a bit then headed back to pick up the dogs from daycare.

 Welcome to Blizzard

One the core values placed around the statue

one section of the library

Only 6 hours and 14 freeways later we’d arrive back at our friend’s place for the night.  We got in fairly late but were staying the next day.  Saturday was pretty chill (and chilly!); we played World of Warcraft, watched a movie, and then played Talisman.  His son was able to have us help with addons he wanted for WoW and we had a lot of fun together playing games. 

Sunday was a 5am wake up so we could get ready, pack the car and leave for home. It would be an extremely long and cold day. I don’t think the temp from CA to WA ever got above 36 degrees.  In fact it was 28 degrees when we left Sacramento and 25 degrees when we got home to our place in WA. What was supposed to be an 11 ½ hour drive turned into 14 ½ one and we concluded we’re never leaving on Sunday again.  Thank goodness we made it to Oregon in time to listen to the football game on the radio to break up the monotony of the drive. Although the commentator’s were blah and we couldn’t really hear what was going on half the time (goodness guys take a breath you don’t have to keep talking over every play about whatever) it was a good game to listen to.

All of us were so glad to finally be back home, even if it was much later than we expected.  The cats were thrilled to see us and we them. Our brother in law took great care of them and the house while we were gone.  Hopefully next year we have a child to show off to the family during our trip down.

Here’s some pictures of our Blizzard tour and trip down south for Thanksgiving:

 Pets are allowed at work so this section of grass has been set aside for human use

 My happy boys!Dad turned on the compressor so we went to the car for a few minutes

 The internal safety poster mascot is Medimurk the Murloc

Couldn't resist taking a picture of this Diablo sign

                                                 

 Tyrael

 Tracer

 The one and only Horde Chopper

 Don with Grommash

 Sword is 5 years with Blizzard and Shield is 10 years (Arthas mask is 20 years)

 one piece of the fan art in the museum

My guys all snoozing after a long day

When life gives you lemons make lemonade

Sure we’ve all heard the phrase and when I think of it I think why not use the lemons to make pies and cake or lemon bars. How about take the seeds and plant them for a tree to grow and continue to provide you with lemons. It’s what reminds me of family and some great childhood memories of growing up surrounded by lemon and orange trees (you think roses are thorny try these trees) in southern California.

Well backing up a bit to August when I lost my grandfather. We knew it would happen just not when and luckily I was there for his final day for many hours.  I was lucky to have that time with him and others in my family to say goodbye to an incredible man who had 92 years on this planet.  He survived WWII, Meningitis, four kids, 7 grand-kids and 20 great grand-kids.  He was strict but super loving with a great sense of humor and love of nature.  His love of travel is where I got my love of travel.  We take separate trips and then sit down together and share our stories and pictures.  He and my grandma took many, many trips across Canada, Mexico and every state in the US.  So there are tons of pictures.  When he was too old to drive they took cruises and I got to see the Outback, Hong Kong, the Panama Canal and Antarctica through his pictures. I miss him every day. I miss his stories and his smiles and his love of sweets (he loved Lemon meringue pie). I was so hoping our child would get to meet him and he always asked me when he’d get to meet his 21st great grandchild (grandpa had Alzheimer’s). I can only hope when we do get selected to be parents that we can convey what a great man he was through our stories and pictures along with grandma telling them too.

Grandpa last Halloween with his homemade spider chocolate and pretzels

The reason I’m posting on this now is it has become very clear just how fragile life is. My mom had a major surgery on her hip, back and nerves a week ago.  She is having some complications and is in a great deal of pain.  I wish I could take that pain away.  It’s so hard to hear about and see but then to get a call at 11:45 at night from your aunt telling you that your dad has had a stroke and is in the hospital with severe weakness on his right side. We're 1100 miles away you can’t just rush to the hospital to be with him. I still might drive down to help him.  He lives alone and owns his own shop.  If he doesn’t regain some strength and use of his right side soon the dogs and I will go down to California and help him continue to get the cars and trucks fixed so he can pay his bills. As my dad said to me “You don’t realize all your body does without thinking about it until you no longer can, especially when it’s your dominate side.”  It was a reminder of working in the hospital and seeing all walks of life and ages of stroke victims. It’s a crushing blow, even mild strokes. You literally have to start over relearning motor skills and some need speech therapy. I’m extremely thankful it wasn’t worse and he can still talk and is alive but it’s a not so gentle reminder that anything can happen at any time, even adoption.

Next week I start driving down to help my mom because her husband has to go back to work but she knows I may have to go to my dad and that’s a tough choice to make.  My parents are both hard working, tough and stubborn so I can only hope that strength and determination helps them to recover quickly. If dad makes a comeback in his strength I will at least see him next month when we go down for Thanksgiving, otherwise I’ll go down and stay until Thanksgiving and Don will fly down and meet us.

The lesson relearned is never taking life for granted. Reach out to those who you love (family, friends, birth parents) and tell them what they mean to you for tomorrow may be too late.  Call often so you can hear their voice and they yours.  In this age of technology we to often just email, text or post on Facebook without thinking of actually calling and connecting on a human level. This is one reason we want an open adoption so we can keep our families connected for our child. They can grow up knowing how much they are loved by everyone.

I’m forever grateful to those around me now and even those who are no longer here except in my heart and memories. I’m thankful for an amazing husband who is so supportive and to my pets that I get to love and spoil. Most of all I’m grateful for my parents and how they raised me.  I, too, am strong, stubborn and determined and it’s from them (and DNA) that I learned to stay the course and do what needs to be done.

Time to make some lemonade!

Ramblings from a stressed mind

So we’re trying finalize plans for our trip to Italy and oh boy! The stress and anxiety are setting in.

We’re also dealing with the disappointment of our last contact and her unwillingness to provide proof of pregnancy to us or our agency.  This was a devastating blow to us.  Not that some things didn’t seem to add up but that things seemed to be going in the right direction and then Bam! A wall x3 and consequently a severed line.

That’s the truth with Adoption.  It’s a never ending stream of doubt, hope, faith, and disappointment. No matter how you come to adoption on any side of the triad it’s got you in a knot at some point.

We had a contact that was feeling out her options and we knew going in it was a likely no go.  We watched, added our 2 cents as warranted and she had her child on the 5th.  I feel privileged to share that with her because of her honesty.  We’ve had other contacts that weren’t up front an honest and I’m not sure I’d be as gracias as I am with the one who was if I was lied to.  As a measure a lie is not being true to one’s self or others. I’m thrilled that that contact figured out she wanted to parent without dragging anyone into a drama and tear filled issue at the hospital. Not that that’s unheard of even with the most devoted of their Adoption plans just that we were lucky to not get that far for disappointment.

Does that mean we aren’t sympathetic the answer is no. We understand our risks and as always a woman who decides to parent is amazing in many ways. Not only did she think of extending  life with an adoption plan but she tried her darnedest to follow through but couldn’t; however that plays out (Family/Friends step up or the father steps up, etc).

 So I hope to lose my adoption self in our trip to Italy with friends from the other coast.  I am anxious I won’t get the grammar correct or I don’t negotiate enough but just the ability to go and lose myself in our friends and my husband and myself is key on this journey.

I continue to hope each and every day that we will find a match but I can no longer put our lives on hold while we wait.

Many blessings to us all in the wait!

The Text! a Contact....

The Text! What a joy to see when you’re trying to adopt. 

We recently had a contact that we met with and enjoyed very much.  We've been chatting via text for a few weeks and unfortunately had to terminate contact with her today.  I can’t express in words all the heartache that entails.  Just as you begin to think this could be it and then the follow through doesn't happen on their end.  That’s when your dreams come crashing down, landing at your feet, screaming,  that you should have listened only to your head and not let your heart have any say in the matter.

The short of it is that she didn't provide proof of pregnancy after many weeks and for the best of us all we had to end our contact. It’s really one of the first things done in adoption but because she was in our state briefly we decided to meet up and see if we’d be a fit. The meet went great and all she had to do from there was contact the agency again and get in her proof of pregnancy. It wouldn't work that way for her, for whatever her reasons.  I can’t even know what they were because she still insisted she wanted us to be the parents.  So our agency advised us to cut off contact and we trust them on these matters. They are there to guide us all in the procedures that must be followed.  I do have a spark in me that thinks maybe she’ll get it together and reconnect with our agency but my head says it won’t happen. Just let it go and move on.

I’m then reminded by others going through similar situations now or in the past just how much of a blessing this might be. It also helps to connect with a friend who fosters and the daily trials they endure.  Really puts our woes in perspective. I feel much worse for them (our friends and the children they are fostering) than us. Our child’s parents could be out there looking at our profile and maybe even others trying to make that very difficult lifelong choice and all we have to do is be patient, believe, and wait. 

The time will come someday that we will be parents or we get off the merry-go-round and walk away knowing we believed, hoped, dreamed and did everything we could to become a family through open adoption.  

Life doesn't have any guarantees

I had a question come up over the weekend that, while I answered fairly clinically yet truthfully, can be said another way. Life doesn't have any guarantees!  It just seems so callous to point that out but it remains the utmost truth. I think we all strive to hold to our arrangements and to our word to friends, family, bosses, co-workers, etc. but sometimes life happens and plans and arrangements must be put on hold or changed. It has happened time and time again in various situations.  People get sick or move away or can’t get time off from work.  Again it’s life and we have to adjust to those changes to make things work out.

Having said all that the question I was asked was “How can you guarantee me you’ll stick to an open or semi-open adoption.”  I went the clinical and logical way of answers.  Explaining that not only did we sign up specifically for an open adoption because it’s all around better for all involved but that our agency would help us facilitate an agreement outlining what was expected as a minimum from both sides. I went a bit further on the details but I can say they never responded.  I obviously didn't fit the bill on answers or they are weighing whether I spoke the truth.

I read about a lot of parents who do make agreements and they change, sometimes because the birth mom/parents disappear, others out of safety for the child and unfortunately sometimes because the family just doesn't want contact.  I feel the ones who just don’t want contact shouldn't be trying for an open adoption and should be up front with the expectant parents (We don’t want a closed adoption and we’re up front and truthful on what kind of relationship we want after placement, everyone should be).  It truly saddens me to hear about those situations, although I think they aren't as common as some people think (Thanks to the internet it seems every other story featured is something like this but it seems propagated by a minority).  Most of us hopeful adoptive parents truly want to include birth parents in our extended families. It has been shown that not only does the child grow up more secure and well rounded but it helps the birth families as well to know the child is in a good home and well loved and taken care of.

Can things go wrong? – Yes.  Are any relationships perfect? –No.  Everything takes work, communication and dedication. Parenting is no small, easy or cheap task.  It takes great strength and courage to become a birth mom/dad and with that is a great amount of loss.  That loss is felt by all of us in the adoption community even if we haven’t become parents yet but we see through the eyes of those who have. I can never know the pain and loss of the birth mom/dad/family and I will never pretend I do but I can empathize with them.

I truly believe in the open adoption; can I guarantee you we will fulfill our end of the agreement, yes, just as much as you can guarantee us. Remember Trust is key but even with it life has no guarantees. We can only do the very best we can to maintain our relationships and fulfill our agreements; all the while remembering the child we all share and love.

We aren't there yet but here’s to 2015 being our year to have our family!

December was a Whirlwind and saying good-bye to 2014

So the New Year is upon us and I've been slack in writing as of late.

It’s been a whirlwind of holiday activity here since returning from California at the beginning of the month.  I honestly can’t believe how busy we've been with visits, gatherings, travel, and Christmas.

I flew to Atlanta the middle of the month to spend time with friends and we had a blast and the bonus was my friends from Tennessee were able to drive out for the day and ended up staying overnight.  Really had a fantastic time playing games, telling stories, and just relaxing in each other’s company. One couple was approved for Fostering up to 6 children and a couple days after I got home they had a full house.  I hope they had a fabulous Christmas with the kids. We couldn't be happier for you!

After coming home it was a scramble to get the gifts wrapped before Don came home from Atlanta and finish decorating.  That weekend was a “reunion” dinner for the folks who went to Ghana this year as a way to catch up and share food that the hosts felt resembled things they ate while there.  I have to say it was incredible. The 6 course meal was spectacular and the company even better.  I’d only met the hosts as I took their picture with the Ghana group at the airport before they all left, so I was a bit nervous heading to their home for dinner.  I had a great time; they are super people I wouldn't mind getting to know better.

The following day was a get together with our friends we haven’t seen in a few months. Lots of catching up, played a few games, and then so much fun watching the football game together that evening (which we won!).  Wish we could see them tomorrow but we’ll be with other friends and they will be with family.

The week of Christmas has arrived and Mom has Pneumonia so can’t bring my nephew to our house to stay a few days.  She also can’t come to Christmas Eve dinner. I plan to head down to pick up my nephew while mom revisits the doctor and hopes she isn't put in the hospital and Don went to help a coworker move into her new Condo. When he finished helping her move, he went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping and I must say he did a good job! Mom was given some different antibiotics and steroids to help her lungs/cough and was by her account feeling so much better by Christmas Eve, although she still didn't have much of a voice.  I even said “You sound horrible, how are you doing?” and she responded “I feel so much better! No, really, I don’t sound it but I do.” The only thing that saved her from a hospital stay was that she didn't have a fever.  I’m so glad she at least got to be home in her own bed to rest and I could keep her updated with texts. Our nephew immediately wanted to watch Guardians of the Galaxy when we got to our house.  I bring this up because about half way through he fell asleep and I took a picture.  It isn't often teens take naps but they should and my dogs joined in.  The rest of the time was spent playing with our board games, watching movies, and playing video games with uncle Don on my computer.  I've seen the future where I no longer get time on my computer LOL! Joking aside we really had a great couple days and are looking forward to his next visit.

Christmas Eve was our day for Christmas with my family this year so my nephew could be home with his family for Christmas day.  I did most of the food prep the night before so it was a pretty seamless just put it all in the oven on time.  My mom’s husband was coming up so we waited for him to get off work and arrive which was killing Colin who was anxiously counting down to his arrival so he could open his gifts and get his stocking.  I remember those days; I really can’t wait until we have our own family to watch as they wake us early and want to dive right in. He was such a trooper as Tom was here for about an hour before we started exchanging gifts.  He was super anxious for me to find the gift he hid in the tree.  I wish I had pictures of his face as I walked to the opposite side of the tree to look for wrapping paper and he was commenting how it wasn't there.  Turns out he wrapped and hid the gift himself and he was pretty happy about it.  I’d say he did a great job as it took me a couple minutes to find it.  Once the gifts were done, Colin started playing his new game on Xbox while I finished our dinner. Tom would take him home later that evening.

The following morning Don and I spent time just relaxing and talking to family.  We then planned to head over to his Sister’s house for dinner and we introduced them to Cards against Humanity.  They loved it.  It was a blast watching them play and then we fixed a non conventional dinner of steak, stuffed potatoes, crab legs, and broccoli.  It was so yummy and a refreshing change from the normal holiday foods we all typically serve.  Sadly she had to be up early to open the next day so we made it a fairly early night but not before she sent half a pie home with us because no one had room for it after dinner.

Fast forward and here we are on New Year’s Eve.  I can’t believe another year is about to pass.  We’ll be having dinner with a couple friends and then heading to a gathering of live music and food at their friends place to ring in 2015! Here’s hoping 2015 is even better than 2014 and that we all remember the importance of family, friends, and community.