We Survived a Failed Placement

So I’m starting this post off negatively but if you’ve wondered where we are it’s because we had a failed placement and it's taken me awhile to process it and write it out.  

Now before we get into the thick of it let’s talk basics.  Back in May we signed with a second agency and after a possible match, which I was dragging my feet on and then on day 3 the agency said wait, whoa don’t send in the match fee, we moved on and would eventually match with K. (yes another K name).

Now K was a quiet but an honest young lady.  Our attorney however put a doubt in our mind and it would cause some chaos that I’d maneuver in just a few very stressful days but it worked out.

We matched the end of May and by June I was working the attorney circuit looking for an attorney to represent her and I planned to go out and meet her and her son.  It was an awkward meeting because again she was a quiet person and I’m not good with small talk.  However, I found her to be sweet and her son to be a typical 3 year old.  I enjoyed meeting and spending time with them both. 

So we were texting everyday or every few days and things seemed to be progressing in a natural way.  She was working on getting herself in a better position once birth and placement happened and we were trying to make sure she had what she needed as she needed it.

Now the rub is; looking back; that she hinted at the things that would eventually undo our adoption plan.  Her family was happy she had an adoption plan they didn’t support her at all.  She used to be close to mom until….(not important). So ya the signs were there but I didn’t catch them per se.  I think I instinctively got it because I was so guarded but it wasn’t there at the time in the fore front. They always say in adoption literature and blogs if the family isn’t supportive it’s a BIG RED FLAG! Because 9 out 10 times they come forward at the hospital and offer support thus screwing the adoptive parents who’ve been supporting them for months as was the case with us.

Incoming RANT: 

Oh how I’d love to be able to get restitution on what we spent on support but you know it’s not an adoptive family friendly environment, in fact we have zero protection in these matters.  Honestly we’re the ones taking the financial and emotional risks (and the damn scammers that come with that – hello emotional trauma; again no recourse – WTF!!!!).

Ok Rant over and I feel better, moving on…..

So what happened in our case? Well the very simplified version is she asked for a day alone to reflect and have time to which we agreed.  Our friends were coming into town that day from out of state so we’d only planned on stopping in to visit her and the baby in the morning and then heading out.  She however then sent the late night text the night before asking for a bit of space so we obliged.

We met our friends at a restaurant/pub in the area where we were staying.  We had talked of going to the zoo or maybe visiting another local historical home.  Unfortunately while my friend and I were outside I got a text asking me to come by first thing in the morning that she needed to talk to us but everything was ok. I showed my friend and said that’s it it’s over she’s going to parent.  My friend the forever optimist said no, you don’t know that, just keep the faith.  I knew.  She’d call less than 10 mins later to tell me that she couldn’t do it and that she was only doing it because she didn’t have support and now she did and she just couldn’t go through with it. So bottom line is mom abandoned her when she was pregnant and homeless with a 3 year old but as soon as baby was born in the hospital no way could baby go to a family outside theirs.  

Now It actually happens quite often but if I’d read the signs properly I’d have had those questions answered before we ever got to delivery. There were other signs, some quite blatant but I’m not into the details just the basics here.  Mind you during this time my mom is excitedly asking me if she can post pics and info and I keep her at bay for 2 days and then this happened and I texted “She is going to parent” ya that’s not how I wanted this to go.  As much as I wanted it to be right, it wasn’t.  I wish her the absolute best, honestly. She is a good, kind-hearted, and loving lady.  She has 2 boys to raise and I do hope that offer of support for her and the kids continues to be there for her. I will never not think of her and hope she is doing well.

Now the best part is we have friends in with their son from out of town visiting when I get the phone call.  Don, our friend’s hubby and their son are off playing games and I want Don to have a good day.  I walk off to the bathroom not once but twice during our visit to cry in a stall.

My friend agrees not to say anything and buys me a shot of vodka (so glad to not be driving!), which woo took me a few sips to finish.  We then decide to go downtown and walk around (mind you my friend knows we’ll be leaving and wants us to see the city we’re in before we go.  Also note Don doesn’t know yet!).

After our trip to downtown Nashville to shop, walk, goof off, and eat, they drive us back to our car and follow us back to our friend’s place where we are staying.  It wasn’t until they left that I told Don what had happened 10 hours earlier.  We talked and he went to bed, I then went downstairs and into the family room of our friends where we are staying and told them.

Now I have no idea how I was able to keep it together for 10 hours before telling Don but I did because I wanted him to have a good day with our friends and not think about the adoption.  He even said why didn’t you tell me and I told him X and X were here and I wanted us to have good memories and a great visit.  Mind you we normally take a trip to Atlanta for Labor Day so we’d cancelled that because hello, becoming parents is top priority, but ya now it’s cancelled and we aren’t. So the trip home was rather somber as we explained where the baby was.  We had a car seat and stroller combo and a newborn sleeper that had to be shipped home.  I even had my carry on pulled by TSA because of baby stuff (my carry on had our diaper bag with clothes, diapers and wipes) and we had no baby; ugh!(side note the guy was super nice he was just doing his job).  However the best part was we could’ve taken the baby stroller/car seat combo and baby wrap back for a refund but we chose to bring it home as a symbol that we will be parents! We both still know we’ll be parents but we’re waiting for the right person to come along and make it happen for us and expand our family.

The planets must have aligned because next week we are going to Dragon Con and meeting our friend’s.  We definitely need this trip to be ourselves outside this process. We found new cheap flights and free hotel which is beyond abnormal (bye-bye points we’ve spent you all and then some).  I’m super excited because just last week we couldn’t go and I was a bit mopey.  I’m super excited to go even though half our friends can’t make it.  We’ll have a great time with our friends who experienced our heartbreak with us and helped us through that. Did I mention I'm super excited!

So where does that leave us now:

We are coming up on 3 years live in a short few weeks and we’re only 8 families out of the top 50 with our agency, which means the 50 longest waiting families so maybe this is where we are meant to be. Who can say for sure?  I do know that yesterday I opened Instagram and I saw this posted by a friend and fellow long waiter in this process, who has recently adopted, and it really struck me so I asked if I could share it.

So that's it we've survived a failed placement and are so very lucky for our support network. We have adjusted and are moving on in the right direction. Hopefully our meant to be is just around the corner.

Dragon Con is coming soon!

I can’t believe in less than two weeks we’ll once again be in Atlanta for Dragon Con.  This year everyone is able to make it and it’s going to be a blast being all together again and the bonus is we were all able to find rooms in Downtown this year instead of the airport, no more 1 hour commutes in by transit or expensive taxi rides.  Granted we aren’t staying in any of the big 5 hotels but then for the cost of one room you need 6+ people to a room in order to afford it, so no Thanks.  We don’t spend much time in the room anyway so why a big fancy over-priced room when you can use that money to buy cool things.  I’m hoping our room has a fridge and kitchenette this year so we can store some food in there and skip some of the lines for food and have more time for panels, games, shopping or photo taking. Our original room did but I goofed and booked the wrong dates so not sure what kind of room we’ll have after we realized the mistake and changed to the correct dates.

The other thing I’m excited about is our long time friend from California is flying to Seattle the day before and will be going with us this year. I’m glad he’ll get to meet our other friends from Georgia, Tennessee, and Alabama. Don may actually get to play games this year (which never works out other years we’ve gone) with Kevin going.  I’m hoping the panels list comes out in the next few days so we can start planning on what we must see; we usually only make 1 or 2 panels a day because of the line up times.

Every time we’ve gone I’ve always been a shorts and T-shirt girl but I was talked into dressing up this year and I’m working on that costume now.  We had talked about doing Steam punk this year with a couple of our friends but I couldn’t come up with anything I liked so my Cosplay friend suggested a character based on something I was watching and it all clicked.  Maybe next year I can go for Steam punk if I can find things I like this year to use with it.

Someone Don works with also goes with a group of his friends and this year he and my friend Lara are doing a costume together.  I can’t wait to see how that turns out for the Friday Night Archer party. Don and I talked about dressing up on Saturday since it’s the big day for costumes but his co-worker made a good point that we’d be constantly interrupted while we tried to hang out with our friend’s costume watching so we will dress up Friday instead. 

So this is the way to end the summer for us and we do it every year.  Maybe next year we will have our family and be able to introduce our child to our friends.  

All of us last year being goofy for the picture

Dragon Con 2014

Dragon Con in Atlanta was a blast the last 5 days. So many costumes, people, vendors, and panels.  We didn't make as many panels as we wanted to but we wouldn't change the time with friends for panels for anything.  We did make at least 1 panel a day though, along with shopping, hanging out with friends, and finally on Saturday we all gathered at one of the bars to people watch and take pictures of the costumes. 

We love going to Dragon Con but it's the people we see each year that makes it awesome and worth going to Atlanta in August and Labor Day weekend, no less.
This year I actually bought a piece of art work, although not what I thought I was going in to buy.  It's a Dragon print on metal and framed.  I also bought a couple books from relatively new authors, hoping I enjoy their work so I can continue to support their efforts.
Loved seeing the kids costumes that the parents matched and the ones who didn't.  The kids seemed to have  ton of fun getting all the attention for their choice of costume.
I didn't dress up but Don made an effort and then our hotel mate and friend had 4 different cosplay costumes. All were great but I still think my favorite was warrior snow white.
Until next year....

Going to cook salmon for my grandparents

The fishing trip went well and Don came home with three good size salmon.  We got them all filleted and frozen.
Next week I'll be cooking some up to take down for my grandparents.   They used to fish and love it but at their age they can't do that anymore.  We love visiting them and what better excuse than to cook them dinner.  For Grandpa's 91st birthday a few months ago I took them Eggplant Parmesan for dinner and they loved it.
We can't wait to cook with our little one and visit grandma and pa and they can't wait to have another great-grandchild to cuddle.

Our first heartbreak

We had a potential birth couple that we met on Friday.  We loved them and they us.  They were to meet the other couple they were looking at as well that evening. They'd take the weekend to choose the right couple.  It wasn't us as I got the call this morning.  Heartbreak and tears as I realized the reason was simply one we couldn't have changed.  We don't have a child to be the sibling to theirs. My heart aches but we move on and know our baby is still out there somewhere.
In our months of waiting we've not had any contacts until last Thursday and then as soon as we found we weren't chosen 30 minutes later another person is looking at us and a couple others.  That must be a step in the right direction.  In this case I'm not as hopeful as I was with the other.  Do I want it to be right, yes absolutely.  I can only say that I think the potential mom is feeling her way through it at this point and has plenty of time to change her mind and so I will not get my hopes up.
Here's to continuing to wait for the right baby (and baby's family).

August 10th

8/10/14
Don re-stained the wood on the deck then we moved on to doing the gate at the end of the stairs.  Good grief, pre-assembled gate my rear end.  We thought the gate would be the easy part and it turned into an hour and a half nightmare. We finally finished it and it looks good but after 8 hours outside in the direct sun it was a long day. Next up is staining more posts and cedar 2x4's to finish the garden box rails, then we can put in the flower box and utility box cover then we will finally be done with this almost 7 year project.  Thankfully this summer has cooperated weather wise and we hope it continues for another month.  After this side project we'll be focusing on refinishing the basement.  We did half of it already but the bigger half needs to be redone as well as the floor in the whole thing (new flooring Yeah!).  We're also going to repaint the basement bathroom which we put on the back burner about 2 months ago, to focus on the outdoor stuff.