We Survived a Failed Placement

So I’m starting this post off negatively but if you’ve wondered where we are it’s because we had a failed placement and it's taken me awhile to process it and write it out.  

Now before we get into the thick of it let’s talk basics.  Back in May we signed with a second agency and after a possible match, which I was dragging my feet on and then on day 3 the agency said wait, whoa don’t send in the match fee, we moved on and would eventually match with K. (yes another K name).

Now K was a quiet but an honest young lady.  Our attorney however put a doubt in our mind and it would cause some chaos that I’d maneuver in just a few very stressful days but it worked out.

We matched the end of May and by June I was working the attorney circuit looking for an attorney to represent her and I planned to go out and meet her and her son.  It was an awkward meeting because again she was a quiet person and I’m not good with small talk.  However, I found her to be sweet and her son to be a typical 3 year old.  I enjoyed meeting and spending time with them both. 

So we were texting everyday or every few days and things seemed to be progressing in a natural way.  She was working on getting herself in a better position once birth and placement happened and we were trying to make sure she had what she needed as she needed it.

Now the rub is; looking back; that she hinted at the things that would eventually undo our adoption plan.  Her family was happy she had an adoption plan they didn’t support her at all.  She used to be close to mom until….(not important). So ya the signs were there but I didn’t catch them per se.  I think I instinctively got it because I was so guarded but it wasn’t there at the time in the fore front. They always say in adoption literature and blogs if the family isn’t supportive it’s a BIG RED FLAG! Because 9 out 10 times they come forward at the hospital and offer support thus screwing the adoptive parents who’ve been supporting them for months as was the case with us.

Incoming RANT: 

Oh how I’d love to be able to get restitution on what we spent on support but you know it’s not an adoptive family friendly environment, in fact we have zero protection in these matters.  Honestly we’re the ones taking the financial and emotional risks (and the damn scammers that come with that – hello emotional trauma; again no recourse – WTF!!!!).

Ok Rant over and I feel better, moving on…..

So what happened in our case? Well the very simplified version is she asked for a day alone to reflect and have time to which we agreed.  Our friends were coming into town that day from out of state so we’d only planned on stopping in to visit her and the baby in the morning and then heading out.  She however then sent the late night text the night before asking for a bit of space so we obliged.

We met our friends at a restaurant/pub in the area where we were staying.  We had talked of going to the zoo or maybe visiting another local historical home.  Unfortunately while my friend and I were outside I got a text asking me to come by first thing in the morning that she needed to talk to us but everything was ok. I showed my friend and said that’s it it’s over she’s going to parent.  My friend the forever optimist said no, you don’t know that, just keep the faith.  I knew.  She’d call less than 10 mins later to tell me that she couldn’t do it and that she was only doing it because she didn’t have support and now she did and she just couldn’t go through with it. So bottom line is mom abandoned her when she was pregnant and homeless with a 3 year old but as soon as baby was born in the hospital no way could baby go to a family outside theirs.  

Now It actually happens quite often but if I’d read the signs properly I’d have had those questions answered before we ever got to delivery. There were other signs, some quite blatant but I’m not into the details just the basics here.  Mind you during this time my mom is excitedly asking me if she can post pics and info and I keep her at bay for 2 days and then this happened and I texted “She is going to parent” ya that’s not how I wanted this to go.  As much as I wanted it to be right, it wasn’t.  I wish her the absolute best, honestly. She is a good, kind-hearted, and loving lady.  She has 2 boys to raise and I do hope that offer of support for her and the kids continues to be there for her. I will never not think of her and hope she is doing well.

Now the best part is we have friends in with their son from out of town visiting when I get the phone call.  Don, our friend’s hubby and their son are off playing games and I want Don to have a good day.  I walk off to the bathroom not once but twice during our visit to cry in a stall.

My friend agrees not to say anything and buys me a shot of vodka (so glad to not be driving!), which woo took me a few sips to finish.  We then decide to go downtown and walk around (mind you my friend knows we’ll be leaving and wants us to see the city we’re in before we go.  Also note Don doesn’t know yet!).

After our trip to downtown Nashville to shop, walk, goof off, and eat, they drive us back to our car and follow us back to our friend’s place where we are staying.  It wasn’t until they left that I told Don what had happened 10 hours earlier.  We talked and he went to bed, I then went downstairs and into the family room of our friends where we are staying and told them.

Now I have no idea how I was able to keep it together for 10 hours before telling Don but I did because I wanted him to have a good day with our friends and not think about the adoption.  He even said why didn’t you tell me and I told him X and X were here and I wanted us to have good memories and a great visit.  Mind you we normally take a trip to Atlanta for Labor Day so we’d cancelled that because hello, becoming parents is top priority, but ya now it’s cancelled and we aren’t. So the trip home was rather somber as we explained where the baby was.  We had a car seat and stroller combo and a newborn sleeper that had to be shipped home.  I even had my carry on pulled by TSA because of baby stuff (my carry on had our diaper bag with clothes, diapers and wipes) and we had no baby; ugh!(side note the guy was super nice he was just doing his job).  However the best part was we could’ve taken the baby stroller/car seat combo and baby wrap back for a refund but we chose to bring it home as a symbol that we will be parents! We both still know we’ll be parents but we’re waiting for the right person to come along and make it happen for us and expand our family.

The planets must have aligned because next week we are going to Dragon Con and meeting our friend’s.  We definitely need this trip to be ourselves outside this process. We found new cheap flights and free hotel which is beyond abnormal (bye-bye points we’ve spent you all and then some).  I’m super excited because just last week we couldn’t go and I was a bit mopey.  I’m super excited to go even though half our friends can’t make it.  We’ll have a great time with our friends who experienced our heartbreak with us and helped us through that. Did I mention I'm super excited!

So where does that leave us now:

We are coming up on 3 years live in a short few weeks and we’re only 8 families out of the top 50 with our agency, which means the 50 longest waiting families so maybe this is where we are meant to be. Who can say for sure?  I do know that yesterday I opened Instagram and I saw this posted by a friend and fellow long waiter in this process, who has recently adopted, and it really struck me so I asked if I could share it.

So that's it we've survived a failed placement and are so very lucky for our support network. We have adjusted and are moving on in the right direction. Hopefully our meant to be is just around the corner.

A Crazy Busy 2 weeks

All the crazy is over and our 4^th home study update is done.  Every year we get that email from our adoption coordinator that our fingerprints are due and it’s the signal that our home study update is due shortly after.  The fingerprinting is part of the FBI clearances due every year.  It’s always a difficult milestone to reach but this year they added additional papers to be filled out that I didn’t know about so it took a few trips to the police station and a phone call plus a print, form fill out, scan and email in order to get our fingerprints processed.

On top of the complications with getting all the correct paperwork for that was the notice that our doctor was closing.  Insert panic! We were able to get the scheduled appointments but I am so upset she is moving and closing the office.  We’ve been going to her for 13 years and in our small community she is like family, she knows us. We both saw her today for our updates and I wished her well but I will miss her.  We hugged and said good-bye but I always imagined her taking care of our new family once we adopt.  She was perfect as she adopted her 2 kids and knows how much it means to be personal and not judgmental.  I hope we find a new doctor who will be the same.  It’s part of my interview process now.

Our home visit also brought us some sad news that our social worker of the last 4 years is retiring at the end of the year.  I honestly felt a heavy brick hit me when she told us.  I, again, pictured her seeing us with our family for post-placement visits.  I love her she is such a great woman doing an amazing job who also adopted 4 kids so she completely understands the emotional roller-coaster of the wait, the paperwork, and the parenting of adopted kids she’s often shared. 

Fast forward a week of scammers trying to get us in their web and missed international phone calls and emails (which we couldn’t help anyway since we are going for domestic adoption) and she forwarded an email with some situations from an agency she’s worked with many times before.  So after reading tons of legal paperwork, I signed us up.  Yes, we are now with 2 agencies on top of our complete on-line presence.  I am hopeful that we will connect this year with a birth family. So if you know anyone thinking of adoption please forward our website, blog or agency page.

Three Days and Three Theme Parks - Our Mini Vacation

The time for our mini vacation to Florida started at 5am on Saturday and all was going well and it looked like we'd be leaving a few minutes early but then our flight out of Seattle was delayed an hour. We arrived in Orlando at 5pm and luckily the rental car was really easy to pick up so it took us no time to get out of the airport and on our way to the hotel. Before heading to the hotel Don wanted to find the area that used to be the naval training base where he was stationed and we found it - some buildings are still there but it's been turned in houses and lots of parks so then we headed to the hotel to check in. It turns out the hotel was just a couple miles the other side of Disney and recently opened in February so at night you could see some of the fireworks which was cool. The other amazing thing was no thunderstorms the entire time we were there which has never happened before.

On Sunday, day one, we went to Universal Studios and Island adventure.  Island adventure was a blast.  Loved the Jurassic world water ride and then we moved on to Hogsmeade where we rode the rides, we had lunch at the Three Broomsticks complete with a butter beer (sweet butterscotch cream soda), and then moved into Dr. Seuss land.  We didn't take the train to the other park though the wait time was an hour. After making our way through the Island Adventures areas we decided to walk over to Universal Studios which takes about 15 minutes. I really wanted to ride the minion ride and even though it was a long wait time it was worth it.  It was such a fun ride. We also went to King's Cross and took pictures with the night bus.  I wish Don had taken some video of the interaction because the shrunken head was hilarious.  It was getting close to closing time so we watched the parade from a park area within the park and then walked back to the city walk, bought a couple shirts and left for dinner.

 Island of Adventure Harry Potter World

Butter Beer - a sweet Butterscotch Cream soda

 It indeed leaves a mustache

 Great themed area for the kids

Monday was Epcot, which is having the flower show right now.  I really didn't know what to expect at Epcot outside the Themed food areas.  We really enjoyed it and the best ride was by far the Test Track. It was a nice leisurely day and we followed it up with a trip to Medieval Times for dinner.

The couple on the left of us was actually from Seattle which was cool and then a couple with their kids came in a bit late and were from Upstate New York.  I had a blast talking, laughing, and cheering with her and her 9 year daughter.  We had a blast!

 Morning arrival

Couldn't resist Lady and the Tramp pics 

 Bought some teas I've never seen in stores here

 Piglet and Eeyore Topiary

 The match was over and our Knight lost but we had a blast!

Tuesday we left Orlando and drove to Tampa to Busch Gardens, another park I wasn't sure what to expect outside lots of roller coasters.  I knew when I bought the tickets ahead of time they had Giraffes, Zebras, Antelope that you could pay extra to go out and feed but what we didn't know was it's actually a conservation zoo for animals from Africa and Southeast Asia.  Loved it! Favorite ride of the day was Cheetah Run.  We finished out the day with the river rapids ride and of course we ended up under the waterfall so we were thoroughly drenched! We walked around trying to dry out before getting back in the car to find an Italian restaurant we'd looked up while planning in the park where to eat dinner in Tampa.  Amazing dinner! We seriously loved the ambiance, food, server, and owner who does all the cooking. They really made us feel like family so if you're in Tampa and want great food try La Terrazza.  It is in the historic district and so worth the drive. We drove back to Orlando feeling completely satisfied and tired from the day.

 Loved this recycled art of a cat and dog

He followed me everywhere I moved - I think he loved the bright blue case on my phone

 Only one set of tigers were out but hard to photograph 

 Feeding the birds fresh apple chunks

We took the train around the park and the Zebras started running after us

We had planned on driving to Daytona on Wednesday to kill some time before our flight but with the work week traffic it was going to be an almost 2 hour drive there and back so we scrapped that and I found an alternative in Orlando.  We visited the Botanical Gardens instead and that was amazing.  I've never seen so many huge oak trees or that many roses in one place. It was a huge garden and was a great way to fill the last day in Florida. I also like that the food grown is donated to charity, they have a vegetable and herb garden along with a ton of citrus trees.  We then went to the airport and bonus our flight was going to land about an hour early.  Huge Bonus because it usually takes 6 to 7 hours to fly home from the east coast and it only took 5 meaning we got home early enough on our late flight to unpack and relax a bit before bed.

 One of the oaks with a large vine coexisting together

 The arid area was filled with varying cactus blooms

 One of the largest rose gardens I've seen

                                                  

I liked the colorful foliage

Thursday was an early day since our social worker was coming out to start the home study renewal, which is due by June and includes her coming out to the house.  She told us she's retiring in December and that kinda bummed me out.  She has been so great the last 3 1/2 years with doing our Home Study and checking in on us to see how we're doing that I hope we adopt before she retires so she can see the baby and us as parents in the post placement visits.