A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition

A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition – William Arthur Ward

I saw this on a church sign while driving home from the store and it is absolutely true.  I’ve been looking at the wait in a whole different light this week and all it took was a simple quote to hit home.

We’ve been through a lot in the last 3 years to give up now.  So much paperwork and SO many scammers!  It was especially hard on us when K miscarried because I’d grown so close to her and looked forward to talking every day.  It wasn’t easy getting over what happened, like it happened to us, well it did but indirectly.  No one knows what to say about such things in the everyday but much less so in adoption.  It’s a tough hurdle and it took me a lot of time to make peace with.

 However, I’m back and looking forward to growing our family through adoption.  They say everything happens for a reason and in the right time so I’m trying my best to embrace that. I’m hoping to have a similar relationship with our expectant mom where we both look forward to daily chats and hopefully it can grow into more of a sisterhood of shared experience and love for each other and the child.

I’m so thankful to our support system, especially my best friend, who herself is going through so much right now but she’s always there, as I am for her. I can’t imagine trying to go through an adoption alone without support of family and friends. I hope our future birth mom will have that support as well but if they don’t I hope they know they have IAC and us as their champion for support before, during, and after birth.

So no more conscience cloudy days for me I WILL regain my sunny disposition and continue forward to our dream of becoming parents.

Italy: our upcoming vacation

On our journey I've been very reluctant to travel outside the USA.  Well our friend we visited in December is going to Italy to visit her best friend and her new daughter, so Don just jumped in with both feet and bought us tickets. Well I say bought but really he used the last of his airline miles to get us our tickets to Venice.  He was going to surprise me at Christmas with it but since I was going to Atlanta to stay with our friends for the weekend, he thought he’d better tell me in advance, just in case it was accidentally mentioned.

 Good thing he did tell me because they all wanted to make plans, arrangements, etc.  I am thrilled but also apprehensive.  We both know if an expectant mom matches with us and is even remotely close to her due date we aren't going.  Of course we will just reschedule the trip for some other time and take our child with us once they can get a passport.  So in preparation I am using Duolingo to learn basic Italian.  I just started it yesterday and I must say so far it’s easier than French.

I am actually fairly good at picking up languages but terrible with speaking it so I don’t unless I absolutely must.  As don said when we went to Paris its OK you can read and write it and I’ll speak.  I love him so much for his understanding that I just don’t want to get it wrong and say something inappropriately.  I don’t like offending people and then to do so in another country with a different culture, well it makes the shy, guarded girl in me terrified to speak.  

Thank goodness Italy loves American tourists and most speak English so it won’t be totally necessary to speak Italian.  I do like knowing the basics though.  I’m also super grateful that our friend, before she married, lived there a few years and is completely fluent in not just the language but the culture.  I would hate to smile at someone and have it taken the wrong way or be a target of pick pockets (which we will be anyway as tourists).  She filled me in completely on both of those points and many others during our weekend visit. I can’t wait to see an opera in Venice and to see the Vatican, the ruins of ancient Rome and Rome today. I love that we are going to rent a car and drive to Tuscany and the many places along the way that we’ll see.  I am looking forward to spending time with her friend and her friend’s miracle daughter.  That whole story is a gem but it isn't mine to tell but suffice it to say I’m thrilled for them to have a family and can’t wait for our own.

Our trip is coming up in a few weeks and we’re so lucky to have family who come stay at the house for us. They watch the cats while I take the dogs to the kennel for their own vacation with other dogs to play with all day.  I miss them constantly when we’re away, as in actual heartache because I am with them 24/7/365 and they are my babies.  I know they miss us but they also have a good time socializing with the other dogs so it’s why they go so they miss us just a bit less.

So I must get back to more basic intro to Italian. Ciao!

December was a Whirlwind and saying good-bye to 2014

So the New Year is upon us and I've been slack in writing as of late.

It’s been a whirlwind of holiday activity here since returning from California at the beginning of the month.  I honestly can’t believe how busy we've been with visits, gatherings, travel, and Christmas.

I flew to Atlanta the middle of the month to spend time with friends and we had a blast and the bonus was my friends from Tennessee were able to drive out for the day and ended up staying overnight.  Really had a fantastic time playing games, telling stories, and just relaxing in each other’s company. One couple was approved for Fostering up to 6 children and a couple days after I got home they had a full house.  I hope they had a fabulous Christmas with the kids. We couldn't be happier for you!

After coming home it was a scramble to get the gifts wrapped before Don came home from Atlanta and finish decorating.  That weekend was a “reunion” dinner for the folks who went to Ghana this year as a way to catch up and share food that the hosts felt resembled things they ate while there.  I have to say it was incredible. The 6 course meal was spectacular and the company even better.  I’d only met the hosts as I took their picture with the Ghana group at the airport before they all left, so I was a bit nervous heading to their home for dinner.  I had a great time; they are super people I wouldn't mind getting to know better.

The following day was a get together with our friends we haven’t seen in a few months. Lots of catching up, played a few games, and then so much fun watching the football game together that evening (which we won!).  Wish we could see them tomorrow but we’ll be with other friends and they will be with family.

The week of Christmas has arrived and Mom has Pneumonia so can’t bring my nephew to our house to stay a few days.  She also can’t come to Christmas Eve dinner. I plan to head down to pick up my nephew while mom revisits the doctor and hopes she isn't put in the hospital and Don went to help a coworker move into her new Condo. When he finished helping her move, he went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping and I must say he did a good job! Mom was given some different antibiotics and steroids to help her lungs/cough and was by her account feeling so much better by Christmas Eve, although she still didn't have much of a voice.  I even said “You sound horrible, how are you doing?” and she responded “I feel so much better! No, really, I don’t sound it but I do.” The only thing that saved her from a hospital stay was that she didn't have a fever.  I’m so glad she at least got to be home in her own bed to rest and I could keep her updated with texts. Our nephew immediately wanted to watch Guardians of the Galaxy when we got to our house.  I bring this up because about half way through he fell asleep and I took a picture.  It isn't often teens take naps but they should and my dogs joined in.  The rest of the time was spent playing with our board games, watching movies, and playing video games with uncle Don on my computer.  I've seen the future where I no longer get time on my computer LOL! Joking aside we really had a great couple days and are looking forward to his next visit.

Christmas Eve was our day for Christmas with my family this year so my nephew could be home with his family for Christmas day.  I did most of the food prep the night before so it was a pretty seamless just put it all in the oven on time.  My mom’s husband was coming up so we waited for him to get off work and arrive which was killing Colin who was anxiously counting down to his arrival so he could open his gifts and get his stocking.  I remember those days; I really can’t wait until we have our own family to watch as they wake us early and want to dive right in. He was such a trooper as Tom was here for about an hour before we started exchanging gifts.  He was super anxious for me to find the gift he hid in the tree.  I wish I had pictures of his face as I walked to the opposite side of the tree to look for wrapping paper and he was commenting how it wasn't there.  Turns out he wrapped and hid the gift himself and he was pretty happy about it.  I’d say he did a great job as it took me a couple minutes to find it.  Once the gifts were done, Colin started playing his new game on Xbox while I finished our dinner. Tom would take him home later that evening.

The following morning Don and I spent time just relaxing and talking to family.  We then planned to head over to his Sister’s house for dinner and we introduced them to Cards against Humanity.  They loved it.  It was a blast watching them play and then we fixed a non conventional dinner of steak, stuffed potatoes, crab legs, and broccoli.  It was so yummy and a refreshing change from the normal holiday foods we all typically serve.  Sadly she had to be up early to open the next day so we made it a fairly early night but not before she sent half a pie home with us because no one had room for it after dinner.

Fast forward and here we are on New Year’s Eve.  I can’t believe another year is about to pass.  We’ll be having dinner with a couple friends and then heading to a gathering of live music and food at their friends place to ring in 2015! Here’s hoping 2015 is even better than 2014 and that we all remember the importance of family, friends, and community. 

November is National Adoption Month

I've been reading a lot of quotes and statements so far this month and prior (thanks Pinterest) and I thought I’d say what open adoption means to us.

Adoption is a journey without a time frame

Adoption is not for the faint of heart or weak of patience

Adoption is “The Wait”

Adoption is the path to fulfill our dreams of becoming parents

Adoption is not an easy path to parenthood

Adoption is a way to bring us joy with an extended family

Adoption is about trust

Adoption is about loss for all involved

Adoption is stressful

Adoption is an expectant mom making the choice out of love for her child and herself

Adoption is the community that brings you up when you’re down

Adoption teaches you to play to your strengths; you will need them in the wait

Adoption is about living everyday waiting for the phone to ring, email to come in, or text

Open Adoption is about families coming together

The Adoption Wait is taking vacations to take your mind off the waiting

Adoption is having faith and hope that your child finds you

Adoption is about the child having a connection to their birth families

Adoption is a unique journey for all involved

Adoption is going to be so worth it!

When in a crunch....

Last week Don was asked to make large stencils for Adanu, the charity he is working with for the school buildings.  He came home and said they need to be 3 feet by 3 feet.  My reaction was one of panic. Stencil materials sold in stores are at best 12” by 18”.  My mind went into a spin of what the heck can we use that is durable, easy to cut, thin, and can be rolled up to get over to Ghana in checked luggage.

After some time double checking the internet and no time to order the stencils made from a specialty shop, I went in search of whatever may work at the various stores in our area.  I looked at For Sale signs but they didn't come quite large enough and would probably crack if rolled.  Next up, carpet padding but it isn't thin enough and would absorb too much paint. I even looked at car mats and desk mats but they have those carpet grippers on them.

Off to the vinyl flooring which I didn't hold out much hope for since it is usually sold in boxes of 12” by 12” tiles these days. I got lucky because they had pre-cut rolls that were 6 feet by 9 feet and affordable. It was also nice and thin so it’d cut easily and just like regular craft stencils it won’t absorb the paint and will be durable to use over and over.

I bought the flooring and brought it home.  Don took it to work to project the images and get them traced for cutting.  Everyone was floored and excited because they never would have thought to look at vinyl flooring as an option for making stencils. Don will finish the last stencil tonight and get it packed up with the others.

When in a crunch always look in the most unlikely of places to find what will work. So if you ever need to make large stencils cheaply; head to the local home improvement store before spending lots of money elsewhere.

I now have a pin for Pinterest that doesn't seem to be represented much, if at all, so thanks for the challenge! I'm glad I met it with creative success.

The front of the flooring and flip it over to trace out your design.  Don uses a ruler, box cutter and Xacto knife to cut it out.

I talked with our AC (Adoption Coordinator) yesterday.  It’s always nice to touch base and get her perspective on our questions.  I love that she’s an adoptive parent and can give that insight from her personal experience as well as her professional.  

We are in a non-IAC state meaning we have a different set of regulations we’ll go through once we are matched with an expectant mom. It’s all the same paperwork and processes but it will go between the state the mother lives in (unless it happens to be an IAC state) and our state agency. We also had our Home Study completed by our state.  Our State social worker is also an adoptive mom and she’s such a wonderfully supportive woman. This year at our home study renewal she told us she just had her first grandchild. I can’t wait to say that one day.

I can’t imagine trying to navigate adoption without all the support we've had. Not just through family, friends and the agency but the community as well.  It’s great to be able to ask questions or just vent and get the insights of others going through it now or in the past.  It also helps reading other peoples posts to the forum or blog posts. It’s been invaluable through our journey so far.

So as we close in on our go live date 10 days from now I have to say we've come a long way and are looking forward to what lies ahead. Here’s hoping our baby finds us soon. Visit our Iheart page or Adoptimist

Prepping for Ghana

Don is going to Ghana again this year with some of his co-workers and the charity Adanu. They build sanitation facilities and Schools for the local Villages.  He went last year and loved every minute of it. I love his enthusiasm about going and helping this Charity. We believe in the work they do and I’m glad Don can be a part of it.

Last year they stayed in town but this year they will be staying in the village. Don is excited about that. He enjoyed the town last year but not the long bumpy drive every morning and evening getting from the inn to the village and back.

Team arrival

This was the good part of the road

They don’t just build but get a few side trips while there as well.  They went to the Monkey Sanctuary, Water Falls, The market place in Accra, and the beach last year.  I think they are only going to the Market and Monkey Sanctuary this time.  Don said he wants to take video of the monkeys this year.  They are so quick to grab the bananas from you and run.

The prep this year has been a lot easier than last year and we've gotten some great deals on things to donate.  We found 192 notebooks for .22 cents each.  That was the best deal of the day I think. We also found boxes of 48 crayons for .45 cents a box so we bought every box they had.  These are going to be great for the schools and the kids. I just bought Soccer ball pumps and needles today so once they get to the Charity headquarters they can begin pumping up the soccer balls they are taking. Don is also taking 400 dice to donate and teach the kids and adults some dice games similar to Yahtzee.  The dice can also serve as a math teaching tool for the younger children. The balloons they took last year were a huge hit with the kids but they don’t last, so Don thought the dice would be a great alternative.

  

Carrying bricks 

Last year's team 

I know they plan to visit schools from previous villages they've gone to so I'll be excited to see how it's going and if the kids remember them.  Above Don is in the classroom teaching the kids how to play hangman. Last year we made and donated a bunch of Science project books to the teachers and other team members made books for Math, English, etc. I hope they're well used. The teachers were super excited to have new creative ideas for teaching the kids in fun and interesting ways. 

While we have bags upon bags and boxes all over right now, the prep is pretty much done for this year.  Don is going to check one more store for additional classroom supplies and pick up what he can then the fun begins, the packing of the bags.

If you'd like to know more about Adanu and what they do please click the link to visit the website.

Fishing with dogs for the first time

I was going through some pictures today and came across the ones I took the first time we took the dogs fishing. It was also Don’s first time fly fishing and it was so much fun.

We drove out to our friends’ house then changed and headed to the river.  We kept the dogs leashed until we climbed down the bank to the river and Tucker dove right in after Don.  I really didn't expect that!  He was the one I thought would avoid the water, except to drink it from the bank.  Every time we take him to the beach he avoids the water as much as possible.

Parker sees Tucker swimming out towards Don and thinks sure let’s jump in and PANIC! He really freaked and turned immediately around and got out as quick as we could reach him.  My poor baby loves running in the waves at the beach but swimming isn't his thing. Tucker stayed with Don as I leashed up Parker and took him back to the car to dry off and rest.  Don said as soon as I left Tucker started toward the shore so he brought him back to me at the car and headed back out to fish. I've since bought the dogs Life Jackets for when we go out.

Fishing at the river is a catch and release zone so Don’s first catch got away without a picture but here he is holding a small second catch that day.

I don’t fish but love going fishing with our friends and Don.  Not only do they have fun fishing but I get to watch from the shore with a good book and just enjoy the beauty of the river and mountains.  I love to walk around taking pictures too. We can't wait to go fishing and camping with our future little one!

 On the way down to the river - He really blends in

 heading down river to fish

 Back in the car and drying off

that's the "it was horrible" look after the river

A picture is worth a thousand words!

I always find it interesting when I come across various Adoption Profile pictures.  The prospective parents varied styles and my reaction to them.  I don’t know that I’d ever paid much attention before starting our journey but our agency was very concise with what we needed for ours.  One of which was the expectant mom should see your faces so no long shots and no selfies.

Other things seemed like a no brainer, like what do you want to convey in your pictures about your life.  While writing our letter I agonized over how bad some of our pictures were of things we’d have loved to put in, like Don playing the drums on stage, but poor lighting and distance didn't accurately describe him.  So I instead chose better pictures and tried to put our likes into the websites.

 I try to put myself in the Expectant mom’s shoes of envisioning what her child’s life will be like. So let’s take a look at some of the more recent photos I've seen around the adoption sites.

They’re sitting in a dark bar with neon lights with their significant other with the top of the wine bottle in the foreground between them.   What this conveys upon first glance to me is we probably drink and drive.  Now that isn't to say that’s the case (they certainly could be walking, taking a cab or have a DD) but it isn't want you’d want your first impression to be, right?  The same is true of sitting in the grass at the park with full wine glasses.  That says we’ll be drinking in the park while our child is playing.  True? No, I’m sure it isn't but again in my opinion and from what I've read you should probably leave alcohol out of your first impression picture. The other is the long shots and time and date stamped photos from years ago. Now maybe you've been waiting years but if so try to update that first impression picture to something more recent or at least crop the date stamp out.  We all have those pictures and they work great on your online profile but may be sending the wrong message as your first impression. 

I read the dos and don’ts post of a guest blogger who creates Letters for prospective parents and while she doesn't specify no alcohol in photos I’d think she’d try to sway her clients away from it (maybe not, I am speculating).  One thing she does mention is no sunglasses, well in a lot of our outdoor supporting pictures I/we are wearing sunglasses.  Simply put I wear glasses that get very dark outside, even in the shade on a bright day. It made our photo shoot extremely difficult actually and so some pictures we just had Don put his sunglasses on.

Most first impression pictures follow the eyes open and smile approach.  Even in a lot of the pictures I've seen and mentioned everyone is looking and smiling it’s just the “extras” that made me think to write this because I haven't seen it mentioned before.  I know when we started this journey we didn't have very many pictures of us together and we've tried to make sure we take some now. That said we chose additional pictures we liked that may not have been the best pictures but they said who we are. 

As it’s said “A picture is worth a thousand words!” and “The eyes are the windows to the soul.”

A favorite selfie from a baseball game we were at

Some of our Adventures and Hopes for the Future Ones

Don and I love to travel and have been fortunate enough to go many places.  Don’s job used to have him traveling every week and home weekends and vacations.  Luckily, he’s home every night now but those years of business travel gave us looks into other parts of North America and Europe.

Places we've gone together include Paris, London, Victoria BC, Birmingham, Atlanta, New York, Florida, St. Croix, and Texas to name a few.  Don has also been to Calgary BC, Nova Scotia, Ghana, and Amsterdam.

 Don in Ghana at the Monkey Sanctuary

Silliness with friends in New York

Paris Cafe across from the Louvre 

Going on any adventure brings excitement and learning whether it’s to see the city, go to the beach, museums or special places like the Grand Canyon.  Going out to explore can be as simple as going to a new part of your neighborhood on a walk or driving to the coast and visiting a new town for the day or going for a hike in the mountains. We’re pretty lucky where we live to be able to do all those things.  We also aren't far from the city to visit museums, the zoo or Pike Place Market.  I really look forward to raising a child in such a rich, culturally diverse environment they can explore and experience firsthand. 

Arizona trip

Whistler trip

We also get excited at the prospect of a child joining our family and getting to take them to new places.  Places we visit frequently like California to visit family and friends to places none of us have been like Alaska, Nashville, Italy or Japan. I’d love being able to travel all around the US to Major ballparks, go to the games and explore the cities.  We've been to quite a few and one day I’ll take all my baseball shirts and make them into a quilt.  I already have the pattern and a box of shirts started for that.   I’d love to take our child’s shirts and do the same for them once they get to college.  I think it’d be fun for them to see all the places in one quilt and be able to trigger those memories (at least I hope).

Until then we’ll continue to travel as much as we are able to and as often as we can to visit the places we've never been (actually places we both haven’t been because we like to see them together).  So below I’ll list the states we've never been to and if you live there make a comment about the great places to see and things to do.

I've/we've never been to:

• Montana
• North Dakota
• South Dakota
• Nebraska
• Kansas
• Wyoming
• Mississippi
• South Carolina
• North Carolina
• Iowa
• Arkansas
• Indiana
• New Hampshire
• Vermont
• Maine
• Missouri 
• Utah
• Alaska

Wow, I didn't think we’d been to so many states but seems we've done pretty well, only 18 more to go. Although he’s never been to Wisconsin and in turn I've never been to Colorado (airports don’t count). I’ll leave you with a link to see some of our travel adventures on Pinterest as well as those shown here.

Baking, Cooking, Cooking, Baking I'm in Love!

 

I have always loved cooking, started making scrambled eggs at age 2 and moving up to grilled cheese and many other things by age 4. I began making cookies and candy with my mom and aunts for holidays around then as well, a tradition I hope to pass on to our little one.  Outside baking I never really used cookbooks to cook.  I'd just see what was on hand and throw something together.  Some of our favorite meals came about that way.

 I bought my first cookbook when Don and I started dating and boy was it a horrible one.  We still laugh about one meal I made exactly as the book said and it was hideous! That book went bye-bye but thankfully I didn't stop there and have many books now from vegetarian meals and ethnic cuisines to basic all encompassing books to baking.  I even gathered yummy recipes from the internet, long before Pinterest was around but they've made it easier to find way too many things to try.

My favorite time of year has arrived and the baking and making of good comfort food has begun.  I enjoy cooking anyway but I rarely bake unless the holidays are upon us or we can get fresh pumpkins.  I steamed some pumpkins and made a pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting yesterday and in the oven now is pumpkin bread.  I’m keeping a loaf and taking the other plus the cake to my grandparents.

I also made lasagna yesterday to take to my grandparent's tomorrow. Grandma was super-excited to hear all the goodies I would be bringing down for them.  Her response is why I love to cook.  It makes my heart smile when people enjoy my food or shared recipes.  I can't wait to share my Love of cooking and baking with our son or daughter. I can only hope they'll love it half as much as I do.

My guest blog post on America Adopts

I was contacted to do a guest blog for America Adopts and here is the result.

http://www.americaadopts.com/looking-bright-side-wait-open-adoption-match/

Looking On The Bright Side As We Wait For An Open Adoption Match

Posted by Lawrence on September 30, 2014 · Leave a Comment 

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This guest post is by Nicole, a hopeful adoptive mother and blogger.

The adoption journey for us so far has been an interesting one. We knew that if we wanted to have a family we’d adopt because I didn’t want to do IVF.

Well, that is much easier said than done.

At the time we were first investigating adoption options, we kept hitting road blocks. Like the agency was closed or they only did closed adoptions. We wanted at the very least a semi-open adoption.

Years went by and then one day a friend and co-worker of my husband, Don, mentioned an agency that they’d found and were going through to adopt. Don sent me the link and I contacted them for more information.

We did a phone call to ask our questions and get them answered and signed up for the weekend workshop which was in March the following year.

As I was taking it all in and talking with others at the workshop — one couple had adopted before and were a great resource – Don was getting more and more excited about the prospects of what an open adoption could mean for us.

He was seriously like a kid in the candy store by the time we met our adoption coordinator for the first time. I, on the other hand left crying.

So many emotions; elation, anxiousness, excitement, nervousness, I couldn’t believe we’d signed the papers and were on our way.

We left that day with two additional books to read on open adoption. By the next morning I had already finished “The Kid,” one of the books, before our workshop had even started.

Our agency is in another state so as soon as we got home I began gathering the information we’d need to do our home study. Don was set to go to Ghana a few weeks after our workshops so I had everything together when he returned.

I think most prospective adopting couples stress about the home study but it really was the easiest part.

Answer everything as thoroughly as you can and don’t stress the white glove test, it doesn’t happen.

Also, the key here is keeping your humor.

Adoption is stressful and being able to laugh at yourself will be key in staying on task.

The other thing we didn’t do but should have was start our letter to a prospective mom right out of the workshop.

It held us up by five months. It is just a design/edit/design/print process that really takes time. This aspect of the process taught me that the wait was going to be hard. I would be right!

We are still waiting for our child to find us.

In fact I’ve never been one to write about myself, our life, or put us out there on social media. We’d always been quite private.

One of the many things adoption teaches you is let go, get out there and learn marketing, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, and how to blog.

I just started our blog but already it’s helped me put things in perspective. I want to remember that not every day was an easy one and that we are all humans who need to laugh and cry.

I try to put a fun spin on things either with words or in pictures.

It can be hard like the day we met a couple who were considering us, loved them and they us but in the end we got the call to say they went with the other couple.

So difficult to hear and experience but it strengthened my resolve it can happen at literally anytime.Someday, I can look back at it with our child and say this is the story of our family and you were so worth it!

Other things I do besides update our social sites is to try and keep busy with travel, friends, family, and home projects. We recently went to meet up with a bunch of friends in Atlanta for a convention get together.

This summer we worked on projects in the yard between battling the bugs eating our food in the garden (the bugs pretty much won this year!) to finishing a patio we’d been working on.

We also have been seeing friends or family every weekend for game days. It helps to “get out of your head” even for a few hours or a few days. As our journey continues I try to look on the bright side and wait for the adrenaline rush from a contact who could be the one.

Nicole and her husband, Don, and  live with their “boys” Tucker, Parker (above), Oscar and Chance (cats) and are waiting to complete their family through open adoption. They’ve been married for 18 years and counting, are animal lovers and can’t wait to share their lives with a child. To find out more about them check out their blog.

Are you waiting to adopt?
If you’re looking for ways to increase your visibility and connect with others in the community, including prospective birthparents, share your story with us.

Empathy, Autism, Friendship and Parenting

I've been reading a lot of parenting articles and one recently mentioned parents not teaching kindness and empathy in children.  As a sensitive and empathetic person I find it disturbing to say the least. I do believe the parents are the keys to unlock our kids potential, among many other factors and kindness towards ourselves and others is absolutely necessary. I realize right and wrong trump it most times but seriously isn't hard to touch base on even in the right/wrong lesson.
A story of when I was in 6th grade; A girl about half way through the school year moved to the super small town I lived in.  She Always wore bowling shoes and people made fun of her and her simple nature.  I took offense and I was myself chastised for being kind to her and empathic. I realize now she was autistic but back then we didn't have a word for it (even if we did I was in 6th grade and didn't know it).  She had a great family, she was kind, fun, and I hope her life turned out amazing. I spent time with them for about a year before I moved away. She was so real I still smile thinking of her, her bowling shoes, her black bob and our friendship and to those fellow students who laughed you really missed out!
Wanting to have a family ourselves I keep in mind the people I knew and read the articles I can so I can be as informed and reflective as possible. I hope to be the parent that teaches right, wrong, empathy, kindness, and silliness. 

Don's experiment and the dog who ate a shoe!

Today was a good day of running errands, stopping in to see my favorite waitress I haven't seen all summer and cleaning.  Then Don calls and wants to make Sriracha from scratch.  Well OK I get everything we have at home out for him while he grabs the peppers and sugar from the store before heading home from work. Everything looks good and as it ferments over the next 7 days it's like a little experiment.

 Our mix   

Like I've said before Don likes Hot, spicy food, sauces, etc.  He puts rooster sauce on darn near everything.  I'm sure it'll be good but we will find out in 7 days once he cooks it, strains it and tries it.

The more interesting thing is the dog who ate a shoe.  *SIGH* So back in July for some totally strange reason Tucker ate the side of my shoe.  Now my dogs aren't usually like that.  They tend to stick to their toys or bones.  Every now and again they get into something they shouldn't but this was beyond me.  I had just taken it off.  Well I bought a new pair of shoes. Fast forward to tonight and BAM! I hear a clink, clink of a dog tag and Parker isn't on his spot (he has a pillow on the couch) so I go find him in the bedroom eating the inner sole of my new shoe. GRRRR! Thankfully I caught him before he ate the shoe but good grief.  Why are my 8 year old dogs suddenly into eating my shoes? Of course I'll never know but it isn't how I wanted to end what was otherwise a pleasant day. So looks like I'm shopping at the outlet mall for shoes tomorrow because I don't know if inserts will work in half eaten Toms. 

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Open Adoption

I thought I was going to write about something completely different but it came to mind that many people don't fully understand what Open adoption is or how an agency can help you navigate it. So let me begin with we are with Independent Adoption Center  http://www.adoptionhelp.org/ and they are one of the first agencies that started the thinking on Open Adoption.  I am fully behind the open adoption for many reasons and the first and foremost is the benefit to the child and birth family.  We got super excited to learn that our child is supposed to have access to his birth mom/dad/family and they'd know from the start that they were chosen and not abandoned.  They'd never wonder why didn't they want me? Why can't I find my family medical history? Why!? That spoke volumes to us.  I can't express how excited we are to find that someone to match with and make a family, not just our family but the extended birth family.  I want our child(ren) to know that they came to us through love and sacrifice and the birth parents/family love them and want to know them as aunts, uncles, birth mom, birth dad, whatever. I can't wait to match and have said baby and get to arrange our meetings with the birth family.  I can imagine all kinds of gatherings and hope that one day they come true.
Now a lot of folks think that because you have an open adoption that you aren't the "true parents" and that isn't the case.  We are the parents, we do the 2am feedings, the doctor appts. the coach for whatever the child is into, we do the playing, feeding, discipline, etc. There is no doubt who the parents are and in open adoption it's a much more stable environment for the child.
As for the agency, if you're even considering an adoption plan please contact them, there is no obligation and they have a lot of information that can help you make a plan, even if you choose to parent they can help you find resources to get you started.
Open Adoption may not be for everyone but it is how we want to grow our family and parent. We can't wait to make our match and make a family through open adoption.

I helped with the birth of our friends daughter (about 10 mins old in this pic) and it's a treasured memory I hope to share with our birth mom someday.

Family and pumpkins

My Uncle is coming up from California to visit soon and I really want to share some pumpkin recipes while they are in town.  So I went and got some pumpkins to cook and plan to make some homemade pumpkin bread, some Curry Pumpkin soup and a handmade pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting.  My grandparents house is where we all meet up together and play games, eat, and enjoy each others company.  We always look forward to it.

I'll also be bringing my mom and grandparents some of the homemade apple butter I made. My love of canning comes from my grandma so I like to show what a good job she did teaching me as I grew up and all the canning books, recipes, and jars have gone to good use.

As Fall tries to approach

It's been unseasonably warm for this time of year but Fall is just around the corner. The leaves have been falling for a couple weeks now but you'd never know it from looking at the trees. That means an almost winter leaf clean-up.
It's also time to dig up the Iris, divide them and get them replanted.

One of the many types of Iris in the yard

I also need to start pulling out the vegetable garden.  I'm hoping our eggplant and tomatoes make it another couple weeks but that'll depend on the weather forecasts. The pumpkins are still growing and I can't wait for them to ripen so I can make fresh pumpkin bread and curried pumpkin soup. Two of our fall favorites. The dogs also eat pumpkin with their dinner every night so they benefit from our garden too. I can't wait to share my love of gardening with our child.  It'll be so much fun to watch them plant their first garden with me.

One of the heirloom sugar pie pumpkins 

 A few of our ripe heirloom tomatoes and a wee eggplant emerging.

Making Apple Butter

I had 5 1/2 pounds of apples that I needed to use and so Slow Cooker Apple Butter to the rescue. Not only is it yummy but so simple to make. Peel and core your apples, add sugar, spice, and a bit of water to the crock pot and turn on high for 1 hour, low for 9 hours and remove the lid, puree with a stick blender and cook an additional hour with the lid off.  Sure it's a long process but it doesn't scorch, I don't have to constantly stir it and if I'd thought about it I'd have started it at night so it'd be ready when I woke in the morning and could finish it lid off and into the canning jars.  Next time I make it I will have to do that but as a night owl canning at 10 pm isn't a big deal to me.

Improptu dinner date

Don was able to get off work early and so we decided to head out to Thai food for dinner.  We order and Don's usual response is what is the hottest dish I can order.  Yep, Don has a heat meter.  Of course we have the yummy crab and cream cheese won tons but as soon as our food arrives Don tastes his dish and says meh, not too hot.  I tell him the heat builds but our heat sensors are very different.  I'm right the heat builds but is still not as hot as he thinks he was ordering. 
Don puts hot sauce on everything from Teriyaki, Mexican, Greek, Italian, and Thai.  oh and leftovers and boiled eggs are definitely getting the hot sauce treatment.  I like a good spice but a burn me spice isn't enjoyable to me and he loves it. I always tease him and he now realizes he can't be my heat meter as everything is much, much hotter to me than him.  So to my Scorpion, Ghost pepper lover, I love you!, Thanks for the dinner date.

A day with Friends who are like our extended Family

Today is another game day with friends.  When I say game people may think watching baseball or football but I mean actual board games.  We play with the family and a few other friends who drive up. This week I won't be playing but instead hanging out with my friend's wife and daughter(s).  They are playing a war game this week and I have no interest in war games (think super Risk).

I prefer games like Apple to Apples, Scrabble, or Talisman style games.  Our friend's daughters were both home and her two grand daughter's were there with us while dad played the game with the others (he's in the blue cap in the above picture).  We played a few board games, and played with the little girls and they loved playing catch the butterfly, run through the sprinkler and dress up. The dog even showed off her Batgirl costume for Halloween.

Playing with the butterfly net

playing dress up

I am Batgirl!

I ended the night at home with my baby in my lap eating his Antler while his brother, Parker, pouted because he wanted the one Tucker had instead of his own, which he was happily chewing on until Tucker started in on his.