December 2015 - Where I've been

Good-bye 2015 and Hello to a New Year!

I haven’t written in a month and I needed that time off to focus on us and getting the house back in order after the construction completed.  Seems like it’s all I’ve talked about recently but we really accomplished a lot of small and not so small jobs around the house this last year.   It feels great to finally get some of these things done.

 Our first project was redoing the basement bathroom

Then we moved on to flooring

 We also repainted and added cabinets to this room

 We hired a contractor to redo this half of the basement and stairwell

Finished and furnished - new living room

So December was full of fun.  We returned from California late on Sunday after Thanksgiving and Don had to get on a plane the next morning for Houston.  I took the time to dig out the decorations so I was ready when Don got home that weekend to go pick out our tree.  I am like a kid in the candy shop on a shopping spree giddy about getting the tree.  If we do nothing else I just want a Christmas tree and the ability to decorate it and the house while listening to Christmas music.  Don is less interested because live trees are heavy but he does it for me every year (and I tell him every year he must really love me!).  I do look every year for a fake tree that I like without being a pre-lit tree but to no avail.  While I’d still probably get a small live tree, I have to admit having a fake one in the garage would be great. 

 This is now our dining room all decorated for Christmas

Ok, so the tree is home and set up, we have 12 days until Christmas.  Then we planned a gaming party for the Monday and Tuesday before Christmas.  As I’ve mentioned before Construction leaves a huge amount of dust and it just keeps coming even after cleaning up so I asked Don to help clean the kitchen walls, ceiling etc.  He went up to the kitchen and said you know if we’re clearing out the kitchen to deep clean, we may as well repaint and replace the temporary cabinet we put in 12 years ago.  Now if he is up to paint, I’m all for it so I jumped at it.  He made his way to the big box store on Tuesday while I began clearing everything from the kitchen. He picked out the paint which is something I normally do and he chose well.  It’s a sort of cranberry color which goes well with the other accessories in the kitchen and our floor is grey so we painted the ceiling grey instead of white.  It sounds quick and easy on paper but it’s a kitchen.  The walls were cleaned twice, as well as sanded down and wiped down again and they were still resisting the paint. We should have had it done in a couple days but I finally finished putting the kitchen back together on Sunday night at 10pm. Our guests were due to arrive around noon the following day.  Whew! At least it got done.

 new cabinets and kitchen color

The game day holiday party we hosted was a lot of fun.  We played every expansion of Talisman (hence the 2 days and we still didn’t finish it before people had to head home). Our friends from up north just stayed over and a good thing too since it snowed all afternoon and evening. We were supposed to have a white Christmas this year but it happened a few days early.  Our yard is great to sled in when it snows but we didn’t get enough on the ground.

 Talisman game

snowing 

Christmas day was great! My mom was able to come which is something I’d worried she wouldn’t be able to do.  She was released from the Hospital the 2^nd week of December but I was worried about her not being able to sit for very long.  They did leave shortly after dessert though since they’d stopped and saw my grandma for a few hours before coming up here. I’m just glad she is on the mend and getting better every day.

my mom showing me the blouse I got her as one of her Christmas presents

our nephew showing off his new shoes

So that’s pretty much the December review.  Not much else happened after Christmas except making homemade Donuts the day after Christmas. Our nephew ( the one pictured above) had surgery today to remove a tumor from his foot and luckily it was benign, yesterday they thought it was cancer after looking at his MRI. So ya seriously over 2015!  We stayed in for New Years Eve this year which was great. 

 Happy New Year!

I’m seriously glad 2015 is over.  It was a rough year but it’s made my resolve all that more strong. 

We have a trip coming up in a few days and I can’t wait to get someplace warmer for a few days. 

Here's hoping for a great year for all of us in 2016.

Italy - part 1 - Venice

Our flights to Europe

We left Seattle early Tuesday morning and headed to Dallas where we had a 5 hour layover then on to London. Once in London it was a mad dash through the airport to the pre-check before security where we had to be fast passed to get the security line or we’d miss our connection. We found our terminal and were lucky our gate was next to Starbucks where I grabbed one last coffee then onto the plane bound for Venice.

Venice

We arrived in Venice at noon on Wednesday, retrieved our luggage and headed to the express bus to the island.  We then took a ferry to the city center to find our hotel. It was pouring down rain and super windy in Venice, I don’t mean rain as we think of it in Washington, I mean the sky is gushing kind of rain.  

The wind and rain were crazy

Also, the “streets” of Venice are really alleys; at least they appear that way to us since we are used to wider streets, making it difficult to navigate to our hotel, even with Google maps.  We actually circled around the place like three times because it looked like a courtyard for someone’s house.  Nope it was actually a street with a canal dock to one end.  The hotel was a bed and breakfast called Palazzo Minelli and was a spacious double room.  Our friend’s were meeting us in Venice later that evening and we were sharing the room.  What was odd was the layout. When it was booked it just said double connecting room, which we thought of in terms of room connections in American hotels.  This one was 2 rooms; the front room had the front door and the back room had the bathroom.  The room also had the balcony in the front room and just windows in the back room.  Don and I took the front room and our friend’s took the back.  After checking in with the hotel, Don and I walked around, stopped by a café and grabbed a snack then headed out to take some pictures.  After awhile we were soaked (even with umbrellas) thanks to the wind and were freezing so went back to our room to relax, warm up, and wait for our friend’s to arrive. That’s when we’d fall asleep and they’d get stuck outside the hotel.  We felt so bad about that.  We had no intention of falling asleep and didn't hear our phones ring.  I finally heard the doorbell and it woke me up and we started down to let them in as they were coming up the stairs.  The door opened and they were able to come in out of the rain.  They settled in, dried off, and then we talked about dinner.  Don and I had passed a place earlier while walking around that we thought looked really tasty so we agreed to go there.  That would be the best meal we’d have in Venice at Hostaria da Zorzi on Calle dei Fuseri. Our waitress Elisa was great and we’d surprisingly see her again somewhere else on the trip. We’d go back and play charades on the iPhone since none of us thought to bring cards or dice to play games.

pictures from the room balcony which overlooked the canal

On Thursday, after breakfast in our room, we all went out to do some site seeing in San Marcos Square.  We went to the basilica and toured the rooms that were open; unfortunately the museum was closed that day. 

waiting in line to enter

Inside the treasury at the basilica

After the basilica we did a bit of shopping and found a place for lunch.  The most expensive meal we’d have and it wasn't that great but better than the place we’d find for dinner later that night.  After lunch we went to La Fenice to tour the opera house.  It was absolutely gorgeous and much larger than it looks.

the grand ballroom

 Ceiling of the theater

 The theater

The orchestra pit

 Me taking a picture of Don who was taking a picture of Jean and Harvey

The entrance

 After our tour we walked and found a supermarket, where we bought some amazing cheese, salami, and crackers for later then took everything back to the room, refreshed ourselves and went in search of dinner.  We settled on a pizza/pasta place that was awful! The food tasted like frozen microwave food, the wine was like battery acid, metallic and nasty. I wish I could remember the name so I could advise everyone not to go there. It was a waste of money for all of us.  The food in our room was what we’d eventually enjoy for dinner because we pretty much didn't eat what they served.  We played more games that night, using some Italian cards that the B&B had on hand, as well as more charades.

 On Friday, Don woke early and went to the Fish market to do some shopping.  The rest of us slept in and rested.  Don got back just as breakfast was being served so we all enjoyed that and then packed up to get to the train station for our trip to Rome.  None of us wanted to cart all our luggage back through the streets of Venice to the ferry so instead splurged on a water taxi to come pick us up at the B&B’s private canal dock.  Yes, it was completely worth the expense.  At the train station we went to a café to pick up sandwiches and drinks for the trip and we’d run into Elisa.  She also worked at the station during the day.  It was a pleasant surprise to see her again before we left Venice.

Water Taxi on the Grand Canal approaching the train station

Stay tuned for the rest of our trip (in parts) with pictures coming within the next week.

Italy: our upcoming vacation

On our journey I've been very reluctant to travel outside the USA.  Well our friend we visited in December is going to Italy to visit her best friend and her new daughter, so Don just jumped in with both feet and bought us tickets. Well I say bought but really he used the last of his airline miles to get us our tickets to Venice.  He was going to surprise me at Christmas with it but since I was going to Atlanta to stay with our friends for the weekend, he thought he’d better tell me in advance, just in case it was accidentally mentioned.

 Good thing he did tell me because they all wanted to make plans, arrangements, etc.  I am thrilled but also apprehensive.  We both know if an expectant mom matches with us and is even remotely close to her due date we aren't going.  Of course we will just reschedule the trip for some other time and take our child with us once they can get a passport.  So in preparation I am using Duolingo to learn basic Italian.  I just started it yesterday and I must say so far it’s easier than French.

I am actually fairly good at picking up languages but terrible with speaking it so I don’t unless I absolutely must.  As don said when we went to Paris its OK you can read and write it and I’ll speak.  I love him so much for his understanding that I just don’t want to get it wrong and say something inappropriately.  I don’t like offending people and then to do so in another country with a different culture, well it makes the shy, guarded girl in me terrified to speak.  

Thank goodness Italy loves American tourists and most speak English so it won’t be totally necessary to speak Italian.  I do like knowing the basics though.  I’m also super grateful that our friend, before she married, lived there a few years and is completely fluent in not just the language but the culture.  I would hate to smile at someone and have it taken the wrong way or be a target of pick pockets (which we will be anyway as tourists).  She filled me in completely on both of those points and many others during our weekend visit. I can’t wait to see an opera in Venice and to see the Vatican, the ruins of ancient Rome and Rome today. I love that we are going to rent a car and drive to Tuscany and the many places along the way that we’ll see.  I am looking forward to spending time with her friend and her friend’s miracle daughter.  That whole story is a gem but it isn't mine to tell but suffice it to say I’m thrilled for them to have a family and can’t wait for our own.

Our trip is coming up in a few weeks and we’re so lucky to have family who come stay at the house for us. They watch the cats while I take the dogs to the kennel for their own vacation with other dogs to play with all day.  I miss them constantly when we’re away, as in actual heartache because I am with them 24/7/365 and they are my babies.  I know they miss us but they also have a good time socializing with the other dogs so it’s why they go so they miss us just a bit less.

So I must get back to more basic intro to Italian. Ciao!

Yin and Yang - Order and Chaos

It’s human nature to want to be that perfect family.  I know we all strive for that but we are perfectly flawed too. In adoption we strive even more so as we try to express who we are in a few short pages. Maybe we have an online presence to show more about us but you never know if the expecting parents will see it. So in the grand scheme we describe ourselves through pictures and words in a brochure format sent to expecting parents to look at.  They get to see the great people you are but not the flaws of being a human being. We all have them and I thought I’d share ours and how we have adjusted to each other’s and make it work to our benefit.

Don and I are yin and yang.  He’s order and I’m chaos so to speak.  I’m perfectly fine with things just wherever I put them down and he is put it where it belongs the first time. We have over the years together learned to live in ordered chaos.

I know that he came to appreciate that I can’t find things if he moves them and same for me.  We have totally different desks outside that they both have computers.  Mine with books, mail, toys, and my trail mix and his is just his computer. This doesn't mean we live in a dirty house by any means so please don’t think we do (we wouldn't pass our home study if we did!).  I clean and he cleans but I’m not picky if the mail sits on my desk instead of going through the shredder right this second or being filed.

Dog toys litter the house and while I don’t care because they just drag them all back out the second I put them away (unless I’m vacuuming and then they aren't around), Don has to try putting them back in the toy box.  I always chuckle because the second he puts them back Parker and Tucker are digging out their favorite toys leaving a trail of other toys behind.  I think having pets and a wife who can live in chaos has helped him see that we all have our ways of keeping our stuff as we need to. It has also helped me to see the order side of him.  Everything in its place means he has what he needs when he needs it without having to ask me or getting frustrated that he can’t find it.

We found the perfect balance and know our child will benefit from both perspectives. They will have a mom who won’t mind the toys everywhere and a dad to reinforce putting your stuff away when you’re done playing with it. Both are valuable lessons. I know when my nephew visits I’m usually the one who says put your things away more than Don but I know if I didn't he would and knowing we will be on the same page with our child is a great beginning to build on.

What exactly is Dragon Con and why do you go?

As stated by the official website Dragon Con is “We are the largest multi-media, popular culture convention focusing on science fiction & fantasy, gaming, comics, literature, art, music, and film in the universe.” To us it’s so much more.

Yes, it is those things but also history, technology, science, engineering and the most important factor is Friends! We have friends all over the country and a good portion of them live in the south.  So every year we get together in Atlanta for Dragon Con if they can make it, even for a day (Don and I are there at least 4 days, having flown cross-country). Our friends drive in from Atlanta, Tennessee, and Alabama. We have a friend in Florida but they've never been able to make it. Dragon Con spans 6 hotels over downtown Atlanta and so the events are usually grouped into one hotel for the duration such as Doctor Who panels in the Hyatt or Star Trek related panels, contests, etc in the Weston. They also feature shopping for everything imagined and then some in the Americas Mart.  I really can’t wait to share Dragon con with our child and have them know all our friends. 

 

So cute posing with Captain America while her dad took pictures - Hoping that is us soon!

We absolutely love Dragon Con.  In fact our friends from Alabama were the first to tell us about it and upon finding out we had to plan to go the following year. WOW so much to do, we didn't make many panels that first year but we had fun shopping and watching the Cos-players and meeting up with our friends on Saturday. That first year was simply amazing for us as the one panel we did make (Farscape) led us to the autograph room where we had a great conversation with Gigi Edgley (wish we'd gotten pictures that first year instead of just autographs) and some of the cast who were on the panel.  What I like is the stars aren't usually pretentious and will have normal conversations about their work; granted the super-stars are pretty hard to get to due to the one hour of signatures and done so good luck!, better wake up at 6 and get in line by 7 for a 2 o’clock autograph session. I wanted Patrick Stewart last year and the line was around 3 blocks long (think New York city blocks) for a one hour session, um ya OK, off to do something else and I will have to live without meeting him. Last year we were thrilled to meet and talk with a few actors we really wanted to chat with and they were amazing and so are their upcoming projects (or past ones in some cases).   It sounds like we spend a lot of time fanning over the actors but actually we hit the autograph room once, usually Saturday unless someone we want to see is only available on Friday. We try to figure out the best time to go and hit the room and hope everyone we want to talk with is there, sometimes we aren't that lucky. The other must Hall to visit is the Art Hall where we usually meet up and chat with a friend of Don’s who sells her work during Dragon Con. So many different artists and kinds of art work from paintings to sculptures to metal work. The art hall is also where you’ll find the comics.

What else is great about Dragon con is the cos-play. One of my best friends (Lara Cupcake) is a cos-player and although considered amateur we think she does a fantastic job on her costumes from the design to re-imagining some of the characters. She been actively doing cos-play for cons’ for about a year and a half. Last year when we all went together and shared a room she had 4 costumes and the amount of work she puts into not just making those costumes but actually dressing in them for the day is phenomenal! Really cos-players do so much for fan support as they enjoy bringing a favorite character to life for everyone to enjoy seeing as they go from panels to contests and photo shoots or just walk about the streets in downtown. I don’t usually dress in anything except shorts and some tee from a show (Like Doctor Who, Firefly or Nightmare before Christmas). Next year that changes as I found a really fun steam punk inspired dress that I’ll be wearing on Saturday, as for the rest of the time I’m unsure if what I’d like to do with our friends as a group will work out. One thing to consider is just what you are cos-playing, Don did a Murloc one day last year and was super hoarse after making the sound all day/night.  That was one thing we all talked about as for our costumes this year was what we needed to be comfortable because it is Atlanta at the end of summer.

 Lara, me in the back, and Don on the way to the Convention

Saturday night is the night we all gather together and people watch.  We have a blast as the cos-players come and go.  It’s the night we take the most pictures of us with cos-players or each other being silly. A lot of times we all want to do different panels, signings, etc during the day so it’s our chance to just set aside time to all compare notes on the con events or things we've bought or saw.

Friends!

yep, Don photo bombed us - LOL.

Unikitty is AWESOME!

 Last year we were all staying out at an airport hotel but this year we actually managed to get hotel rooms downtown so that’s going to be a huge bonus over taking MARTA back to the airport, then a shuttle to the hotel, and having to carry all our stuff around all day. That makes us actually more into dressing up this year since we can always go change if we want to.   Also this year our friend Kevin from California is flying up here then the following day we will all fly to Atlanta.  I think he’s going to have a great time.  He’s never gone and he finally said yes, he’d love to go this year. I imagine we’ll actually play games in the game area this year; we talked about it last year but never actually went, and the year before we just walked around watching others play games. Don might even go do the midnight drumming as well since we don’t have to worry about catching the last train of the night back to the hotel. 

I sincerely hope this is our year our child finds us and would be thrilled! if we got to attend Dragon Con as a family.

Life doesn't have any guarantees

I had a question come up over the weekend that, while I answered fairly clinically yet truthfully, can be said another way. Life doesn't have any guarantees!  It just seems so callous to point that out but it remains the utmost truth. I think we all strive to hold to our arrangements and to our word to friends, family, bosses, co-workers, etc. but sometimes life happens and plans and arrangements must be put on hold or changed. It has happened time and time again in various situations.  People get sick or move away or can’t get time off from work.  Again it’s life and we have to adjust to those changes to make things work out.

Having said all that the question I was asked was “How can you guarantee me you’ll stick to an open or semi-open adoption.”  I went the clinical and logical way of answers.  Explaining that not only did we sign up specifically for an open adoption because it’s all around better for all involved but that our agency would help us facilitate an agreement outlining what was expected as a minimum from both sides. I went a bit further on the details but I can say they never responded.  I obviously didn't fit the bill on answers or they are weighing whether I spoke the truth.

I read about a lot of parents who do make agreements and they change, sometimes because the birth mom/parents disappear, others out of safety for the child and unfortunately sometimes because the family just doesn't want contact.  I feel the ones who just don’t want contact shouldn't be trying for an open adoption and should be up front with the expectant parents (We don’t want a closed adoption and we’re up front and truthful on what kind of relationship we want after placement, everyone should be).  It truly saddens me to hear about those situations, although I think they aren't as common as some people think (Thanks to the internet it seems every other story featured is something like this but it seems propagated by a minority).  Most of us hopeful adoptive parents truly want to include birth parents in our extended families. It has been shown that not only does the child grow up more secure and well rounded but it helps the birth families as well to know the child is in a good home and well loved and taken care of.

Can things go wrong? – Yes.  Are any relationships perfect? –No.  Everything takes work, communication and dedication. Parenting is no small, easy or cheap task.  It takes great strength and courage to become a birth mom/dad and with that is a great amount of loss.  That loss is felt by all of us in the adoption community even if we haven’t become parents yet but we see through the eyes of those who have. I can never know the pain and loss of the birth mom/dad/family and I will never pretend I do but I can empathize with them.

I truly believe in the open adoption; can I guarantee you we will fulfill our end of the agreement, yes, just as much as you can guarantee us. Remember Trust is key but even with it life has no guarantees. We can only do the very best we can to maintain our relationships and fulfill our agreements; all the while remembering the child we all share and love.

We aren't there yet but here’s to 2015 being our year to have our family!