Our journey to adoption after infertiltiy

This is a guest post I did for the Independent Adoption Center blog.

When Don and I met and started dating, I knew there was a very real possibility I couldn't have children.  It was a discussion we needed to have because my problem would become his if we got married.  I was very fortunate that he said “We’ll cross that bridge together someday when we’re ready”. That someday would come seven years later after we’d been married a few years. We began the infertility path with the usual tests and charts. I was referred to the Infertility and Endocrine center where we did additional, painful tests and determined surgery might be the key.  So as I signed a waiver that said 1 in 1000 who have this surgery will have a puncture; we moved forward.  I’d be that 1 in 1000 15 minutes into the procedure, so it wasn't finished.  After that we reevaluated our options to start a family.

It took many tear filled days and nights over the years as we went from infertility to looking into adoption options. We didn't have the resources then with the internet in its infancy.  Every time I thought I’d found a viable agency I’d find it had closed or was cost prohibitive.  We were looking to do international adoptions as well as domestic and just kept coming against a wall.  We then discussed not even trying to have a family.  That is always a family option but it wasn't in my heart or his.  We adore kids and want to be a family someday. We concentrated on our work, family, and friends.  Even as our friends, my younger brother and cousins were all having families of their own, we just kept working and enjoying our time with their children. It was always in the back of our minds though that we’d have to finish grieving and move forward.  Moving on meant we’d either look into adoption or just be a childless couple. We chose adoption as our option.

When we learned of Independent Adoption Center and its open adoption with lifetime counseling for all involved in the adoption triad, we jumped in with both feet.  We were only familiar with closed and semi-open adoptions until then and the openness really appealed to us.  It would take us about 9 months to get everything completed and the wait would begin.  They say the wait is the hardest part and really it doesn't sink in when you’re busy completing paper work, the home study, and your profile.  I think it keeps you so busy you don’t realize that the wait leaves you nothing to do but wait. The trick is to keep living but even I spent the first year of the wait putting off a trip that would take us to Europe for fear “the call” would come and we’d miss it. We took trips around the US but it’s so easy to hop on the next flight here and get where we need to be, unlike traveling abroad. We have adjusted to living again and have chosen to take the trip anyway this year and if we do get “the call” we can change our trip itinerary. The wait has its own timeline we can’t control and that can be frustrating as hopeful adoptive parents.  We've been waiting over a year but I know our extended family is out there we just have to wait for them to find us.