The Text! a Contact....

The Text! What a joy to see when you’re trying to adopt. 

We recently had a contact that we met with and enjoyed very much.  We've been chatting via text for a few weeks and unfortunately had to terminate contact with her today.  I can’t express in words all the heartache that entails.  Just as you begin to think this could be it and then the follow through doesn't happen on their end.  That’s when your dreams come crashing down, landing at your feet, screaming,  that you should have listened only to your head and not let your heart have any say in the matter.

The short of it is that she didn't provide proof of pregnancy after many weeks and for the best of us all we had to end our contact. It’s really one of the first things done in adoption but because she was in our state briefly we decided to meet up and see if we’d be a fit. The meet went great and all she had to do from there was contact the agency again and get in her proof of pregnancy. It wouldn't work that way for her, for whatever her reasons.  I can’t even know what they were because she still insisted she wanted us to be the parents.  So our agency advised us to cut off contact and we trust them on these matters. They are there to guide us all in the procedures that must be followed.  I do have a spark in me that thinks maybe she’ll get it together and reconnect with our agency but my head says it won’t happen. Just let it go and move on.

I’m then reminded by others going through similar situations now or in the past just how much of a blessing this might be. It also helps to connect with a friend who fosters and the daily trials they endure.  Really puts our woes in perspective. I feel much worse for them (our friends and the children they are fostering) than us. Our child’s parents could be out there looking at our profile and maybe even others trying to make that very difficult lifelong choice and all we have to do is be patient, believe, and wait. 

The time will come someday that we will be parents or we get off the merry-go-round and walk away knowing we believed, hoped, dreamed and did everything we could to become a family through open adoption.  

Our journey to adoption after infertiltiy

This is a guest post I did for the Independent Adoption Center blog.

When Don and I met and started dating, I knew there was a very real possibility I couldn't have children.  It was a discussion we needed to have because my problem would become his if we got married.  I was very fortunate that he said “We’ll cross that bridge together someday when we’re ready”. That someday would come seven years later after we’d been married a few years. We began the infertility path with the usual tests and charts. I was referred to the Infertility and Endocrine center where we did additional, painful tests and determined surgery might be the key.  So as I signed a waiver that said 1 in 1000 who have this surgery will have a puncture; we moved forward.  I’d be that 1 in 1000 15 minutes into the procedure, so it wasn't finished.  After that we reevaluated our options to start a family.

It took many tear filled days and nights over the years as we went from infertility to looking into adoption options. We didn't have the resources then with the internet in its infancy.  Every time I thought I’d found a viable agency I’d find it had closed or was cost prohibitive.  We were looking to do international adoptions as well as domestic and just kept coming against a wall.  We then discussed not even trying to have a family.  That is always a family option but it wasn't in my heart or his.  We adore kids and want to be a family someday. We concentrated on our work, family, and friends.  Even as our friends, my younger brother and cousins were all having families of their own, we just kept working and enjoying our time with their children. It was always in the back of our minds though that we’d have to finish grieving and move forward.  Moving on meant we’d either look into adoption or just be a childless couple. We chose adoption as our option.

When we learned of Independent Adoption Center and its open adoption with lifetime counseling for all involved in the adoption triad, we jumped in with both feet.  We were only familiar with closed and semi-open adoptions until then and the openness really appealed to us.  It would take us about 9 months to get everything completed and the wait would begin.  They say the wait is the hardest part and really it doesn't sink in when you’re busy completing paper work, the home study, and your profile.  I think it keeps you so busy you don’t realize that the wait leaves you nothing to do but wait. The trick is to keep living but even I spent the first year of the wait putting off a trip that would take us to Europe for fear “the call” would come and we’d miss it. We took trips around the US but it’s so easy to hop on the next flight here and get where we need to be, unlike traveling abroad. We have adjusted to living again and have chosen to take the trip anyway this year and if we do get “the call” we can change our trip itinerary. The wait has its own timeline we can’t control and that can be frustrating as hopeful adoptive parents.  We've been waiting over a year but I know our extended family is out there we just have to wait for them to find us. 

Italy: our upcoming vacation

On our journey I've been very reluctant to travel outside the USA.  Well our friend we visited in December is going to Italy to visit her best friend and her new daughter, so Don just jumped in with both feet and bought us tickets. Well I say bought but really he used the last of his airline miles to get us our tickets to Venice.  He was going to surprise me at Christmas with it but since I was going to Atlanta to stay with our friends for the weekend, he thought he’d better tell me in advance, just in case it was accidentally mentioned.

 Good thing he did tell me because they all wanted to make plans, arrangements, etc.  I am thrilled but also apprehensive.  We both know if an expectant mom matches with us and is even remotely close to her due date we aren't going.  Of course we will just reschedule the trip for some other time and take our child with us once they can get a passport.  So in preparation I am using Duolingo to learn basic Italian.  I just started it yesterday and I must say so far it’s easier than French.

I am actually fairly good at picking up languages but terrible with speaking it so I don’t unless I absolutely must.  As don said when we went to Paris its OK you can read and write it and I’ll speak.  I love him so much for his understanding that I just don’t want to get it wrong and say something inappropriately.  I don’t like offending people and then to do so in another country with a different culture, well it makes the shy, guarded girl in me terrified to speak.  

Thank goodness Italy loves American tourists and most speak English so it won’t be totally necessary to speak Italian.  I do like knowing the basics though.  I’m also super grateful that our friend, before she married, lived there a few years and is completely fluent in not just the language but the culture.  I would hate to smile at someone and have it taken the wrong way or be a target of pick pockets (which we will be anyway as tourists).  She filled me in completely on both of those points and many others during our weekend visit. I can’t wait to see an opera in Venice and to see the Vatican, the ruins of ancient Rome and Rome today. I love that we are going to rent a car and drive to Tuscany and the many places along the way that we’ll see.  I am looking forward to spending time with her friend and her friend’s miracle daughter.  That whole story is a gem but it isn't mine to tell but suffice it to say I’m thrilled for them to have a family and can’t wait for our own.

Our trip is coming up in a few weeks and we’re so lucky to have family who come stay at the house for us. They watch the cats while I take the dogs to the kennel for their own vacation with other dogs to play with all day.  I miss them constantly when we’re away, as in actual heartache because I am with them 24/7/365 and they are my babies.  I know they miss us but they also have a good time socializing with the other dogs so it’s why they go so they miss us just a bit less.

So I must get back to more basic intro to Italian. Ciao!

The Liebster Award!

Wow, Thanks for the award.  It really doesn't seem like anyone actually reads my blog, except those 2 bots that stop by everyday so this is a nice surprise from Sarah and John a fellow couple waiting to adopt. As a result of this nomination I've since seen and read a lot of blogs I hadn't seen before. YAY! So let’s get started….

Step 1: Thanks Sarah, I love your blog, I think we have some similarities in how we blog.

Step 2: Answer these 11 questions

Why did you start blogging? I wanted to remember the ups and downs of our adoption journey.  I also want to get all the thoughts out of my head where I can look back with our child and say see it’s our families story.

What is your favorite food? Mexican or cheese- wait Mexican food usually (not all dishes do) has cheese so win/win!

What was your first job? My freshman year at the ripe ol’ age of 14 I became a babysitter for 5 boys, aged from 5 months to 9 years old. That evolved into me spending the night most nights, since the family would be out until 2 or 3 am. They were in a band that did shows 3-5 times a week. I did that for a year before moving to live with my dad and getting a job at McDonald’s.

What are you having for dinner tonight? Tacos

Pick one word to describe your blog: Honest

If you could go any place in the world on a free vacation for a week, where would you go? Italy and I’m going basically for free this year.

Who was your favorite teacher? Mrs. Meyers she was my first and second grade teacher. She let me work ahead of the class (meaning she didn't hold me back for my thirst for knowledge and she gave me extra credit).

Where do you see yourself in five years? I’ll be a stay at home mom with at least one child getting them up for school or watching Don play with them on the floor or read them a goodnight story.  I really can’t wait.  If that doesn't happen I will still be traveling with Don seeing the world.

Who would you say has been the most influential person in your life? I think ultimately my dad.  He showed me that hard work, dedication, and play are all equally important to success.  He also let me be me and didn't ever ask me to change who I was becoming growing up.  He would sit me down and tell me when he didn't like something and ask me what I thought. I appreciate the way he handled even the difficult teen years with me being able to tell him anything, even if he didn't want to hear it.  That honesty allowed me to see Honesty is the best policy no matter what.

If you had to be any animal for the rest of your life, what would you pick? I don’t know how to pick.  I love all animals.  I’d say any spoiled, loved and well cared for animal like our dogs or cats. I could be a warm fuzzy spaniel or even a fuzzy warm cat. I also thought bird because birds can fly and see things from a different perspective.  See can’t choose.

What is your favorite color? Orange. It’s just such a cheerful color

Step 3: Answer 11 facts about yourself

1. I have a sarcastic, dry humor that can leave people wondering if I’m joking or serious, especially if they don’t know me very well.

2. Don and I first met when I was 16, we reconnected as friends when I was 18 and he was 22. We began dating soon after and the rest is history. We are each others’ best friend.

3.  Coffee, Coffee, Coffee is everything. I drink it, bake with it and cook with it. I love the flavor and aroma.

4. I love watching Don’s inner child come out with our nephews and friends kids.  Seriously just add Lego’s, building blocks or any toy and he gets so into it with the kids.

5. I don’t wear make-up or do anything more than wake, shower, and go.  I call myself wash and wear LOL. I very rarely when the occasion calls for it will wear make-up, blow-dry and curl my hair.

6. I have a large Looney Toons collection of mostly dishware.  Our Champagne flutes for our wedding were Pepe and Kitty and our Cake servers were Porky and Petunia pig.  I still have them. If I could've found a cake topper I’d have used it.

7. For years Don traveled for work, one year I counted all the days he was home and it was 88. That’s including vacation time.  Thankfully he is home every night now and only travels once in a great while.

8. I was in leg braces for 2 years for club foot although my mom says it was because I tried to walk at 7 months old.

9. I can be hard to get to know well, although once you’re in your there forever. I've always been shy and guarded.

10. I love playing games from card games to board games to video games. 

11. I actually like watching sports like football and baseball but my guilty pleasure is watching Dancing with the stars.

Step 4: Nominate 11 blogs that I think deserve this award

Ok, these are mostly adoption blogs either in the wait or after.  a couple however aren't; The Tigon and Sportsbard. 

The Tigon is my cousin's blog about sailing in the PNW with his family and friends, ocean preservation and whales. 

Sportsbard is a World of Warcraft, poetry, sports, music blog I check in on.

Adoption Adventureswith Jillian and Melia 

Adoption Adventures 

Our Modern Family 

Alexa and Michael 

Waiting on baby Duffy 

Shan and J adopt 

The Tigon 

Welcome to babyville! Population: US

Sportsbard 

Chip and Darian's adoption blog 

Step 5: Let the bloggers know they've been nominated.

Off to do that now

Step 6: Answer these 11 questions listed here